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i got into serious and wrong porn and almost acted on it as a child

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • March 31, 2018 at 11:48 am #200335
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jay:

    I support your statement: “This is to raise awareness that young teenagers can be manipulated by porn, as I am now fully against pornography”- I am against pornography too,  would make it gone, if it was within my power.

    There were many posts by young people on these Forums struggling with the same issue as you are struggling with. What I learned over time is that a public forum is not the place to communicate about this, or to try to help a person such as yourself with this particular issue.

    The reason is that if you feel better as a result of communication here, if you feel better about those incidents, it may encourage someone reading this to … do the very things you did. The logic would be something like this: if it didn’t hurt his sister, maybe I can do it to mine.

    A terrible thought, isn’t it. This is why a confidential setting such as in psychotherapy is the right place to discuss this, I believe.

    anita

    March 31, 2018 at 1:08 pm #200339
    Jay
    Participant

    That is completely understandable, I’d hate for that to happen. I was just wondering if I’m a bad person for trying to move on?

    April 1, 2018 at 5:07 am #200369
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jay:

    Heal from what you need to heal from and move on to a better life, yes, please do. Be aware, become more aware, and make thoughtful choices. Make choices that are right for you and right for others. Build trust in yourself as a person aware and in control of your choices, doing what is right for you and for others, a good person.

    anita

     

    May 21, 2018 at 12:44 pm #208559
    Jarred
    Participant

    Hi. I want to share an experience that I had was either 14 or 15. Family background first- my parents

    divorced when I was 5. They stayed in contact never had a physically abusive relationship. They were on again off again for years. I have a brother who is seven years older than me. I remember him talking about sex and I even remember watching him sex when I was 12 but he didn’t know I was watching. I also remember me and a friend had sexual contact from the ages of 6-14(he was 1 year younger). We would perform oral sex on each other. I know we both wanted to do it. No one forced anything. If we didn’t feel like it we wouldn’t do it. I have no idea who first started that. I almost think it was me who started in the beginning which makes me question if I was abused when I was younger than 6. 

    That stopped because it was like we both matured and suddenly realized we shouldn’t be doing it. We’ve not talked about it since. (I am now 22) the incident I am concerned of is this – when I was 14-15 don’t remember which one, my nephew was just put down for a nap (I think he was 2 or 3) I remember laying down with him and sticking my hand down his pants and touching his anus. I never penetrated or tried to. I only remember it lasting a few minutes and it never happened again. (I should add I’m a bisexual male)

    I didn’t think about it until age 18. The guilt and memory hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately started obsessing what I had done and panicking about it. I felt the need to confess so I told my fiancé, mom, and Mamaw. All three assured me that it was just an experiment and although it was not okay there’s nothing wrong with me. (My Mamaw and mom were both abused sexually in their early years)

    I have pretty good days for the most part. Some days I think about it too much and panic. I guess I’m just seeking some guidance on how to forgive myself. And what is someone else’s opinion on what I done? (I’m a Christian I have worked a job since I was 16, I love my family, I love helping people, and I love my niece and nephews with all of my heart) 

    Thank you to anyone who responds! 

    May 22, 2018 at 1:54 am #208629
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * Dear Jarred:

    I just noticed your short note for me on the other thread earlier and the recent post there and here, same post I understand. My note to the Original Poster of this thread, Jay, applies to you too, March 31 above:  “… a public forum is not the place to communicate about this… a confidential setting such as in psychotherapy is the right place to discuss this, I believe”

    In your case, since you are a Christian, perhaps you can talk about this with an elder in the church you attend, someone you trust to live by the values of do-no-harm to children (and adults).

    If you would like to start your own thread about any other issue, please do.

    anita

     

     

    May 22, 2018 at 3:45 am #208637
    Jarred
    Participant

    Anita,

    im a little confused, Ive seen you respond to other posts of this nature with some amazing words. But you tell me I should speak to someone not on this forum. Is what I done too horrible for you to address? I’m not being rude I really am asking.

    Thank you

    May 22, 2018 at 4:05 am #208645
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jarred:

    My changed position regarding not communicating here on such matters was made before your first post here, as I stated March 31.

    anita

    May 22, 2018 at 4:10 am #208649
    Jarred
    Participant

    Okay. Thank you for your time.

    May 22, 2018 at 4:18 am #208655
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Jarred.

    anita

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