Hi Anita, thank you for your reply. I did try to force myself to not care because he does deserve to live his life. And I have been angry at him before. I don’t know how this experience would be different from the others. I kept having theories as to why my feelings may have changed but I wasn’t sure. I wondered if I am subconsciously insecure and it comes out in this neediness I thought I wasn’t getting (even though we have spent several days/weeks apart in the past and I was fine). However, I had so much love I wanted to give him out of my own will, I loved seeing him happy and it was a good flow of feelings, like if he was happy he would be so lovely and affectionate and it was a good feeling overall. To this day I still have so much love for him, but now I don’t have that urge nor do I feel that content/happy feelings I used to have from just having him near or him doing his work on his computer away from me. We still meet up as friends (in a way he is my best friend) and sometimes we cuddle but those intrusive thoughts “why did you lose feelings? Why did you stop feeling happy? Why aren’t I feeling that little giddy subtle joy like before? Why does this moment feel empty?” These thoughts and feelings don’t even let me enjoy the ‘in the moment’. I know I’m desperate to get to my feelings back but I am also trying to at least look forward and focus on the now.

So, to summarize, I do think I tried to give off the ‘I don’t care, I’m not bothered’ impression but in reality, I was thinking about it and was slightly bothered by it. I just don’t think this anger could be a reason for me to suddenly stop the feelings I had for him because I’ve had slightly similar experiences at the beginning of the relationship and was OK (guaranteed, we weren’t spending that much time together in the beginning and I wasn’t as in love). Also, disappointment and anger is experienced at some point in all relationships, no?

I may also be young and naive; this is my first relationship so I don’t have experience or knowledge of this. So all experience/advice is appreciated.

The thing is, when I first realized I was starting to feel nothing, it was different from before. When I’ve been disappointed or angry before, communication was able to calm me down and eventually, I was calm, level, and happy again. But this emptiness was something like never before and I was confused. Yes, I did panic when I noticed this shift, but I don’t think I really started panicking until 4/5 days later when I realized my feelings weren’t going back to normal like they used to. There was also no fight triggering the feeling, I was actually coming back from a really fun night out with friends when I noticed.

I also think “protecting yourself from anticipated (more) hurt by losing your feelings for him” was something I considered before because I was going through some emotional pain caused by the relationship (not him). But then it makes me wonder, ‘why couldn’t this have happened to me when we broke up back in the fall then?’ I was going through so much emotional pain, depression, and anger back then, yet I never lost feelings or had an emptiness during that rough month. So, why now? That’s why I dismissed that theory.

P.S. This analogy –>”But you got alarmed and panicked, as if .. the sky is falling down because you cannot see the sun.” Definitely, I freaked out, it was so fast and out of nowhere.

I see, but this was before the pandemic. You don’t have to answer either of course if you don’t want to, but were you able to fall back in love with the people you lost it with? Were you able to find love in another relationship and stay in love? Are you in a good place right now? I feel like I keep fighting with myself since early February on this, trying to go with the flow to see if my feelings will come back. I’ve read every article on google and watched so many TEDtalks on how to fall back in love and to help myself. It’s so hard to hold onto that hope I had at the start these days.

Thank you for your help, it’s refreshing at times to hear other voices. It is good to hear you are in a good place!

I actually do. Something in me doesn’t want to give up. Since February, I’ve been trying to fall back in love with him, to get some resemblance of my old feelings back. I just want to be happy and normal again, I can’t stop being mad at myself since February for my feelings doing a twist and me not knowing necessarily why. I keep in contact with him and even though we are not together, we still get together and spend days with each other. I keep getting told to just focus on the present and let feelings develop naturally. Well, he’s a gentleman, gives me hugs and kisses at random, joins me in naps and fills me with love and cuddles. He makes me food, makes sure I am comfortable, and tells me he loves me all the time. What do I do? I cry in secret because I wonder how I could have possibly fallen out of love with someone like him. He is the perfect person I want in my life but every time I’m with him, I feel so empty and I get anxious and I want to cry. I don’t want to make a mistake, not with him. How could I feel so empty towards him? I never have peace anymore and I just really want them to come back. How is it possible that I feel so empty towards him and his beautiful soul and kindness when those same actions made my heart skip a beat for 7 months?

I never really wanted my parents relationship type of love because I knew it wasnt stable. I actually avoided certain people that seemed like players. With him, it was so stable and secure. It was really great for so many months, never any doubt. I’m really confused.