You are not the same, that is the difference. Though you feel shattered right now and feel you are going through the same thing, the difference is you are stronger than before. Every time you get knocked down, the result is more personal strength. It can feel like a cruel test, but it’s actually a lesson to teach you about how strong you really are and about the depths of trust. Think about why you cried after your first time sleeping with him, how subliminally you already did not trust this person’s character. This will lead you to analyse people differently than you had before and help you find someone you feel more trust for. Look closely at a persons character when you move forward. Do they make you feel scared, nervous or like you have to work to hold on to them? Life is fast paced enough without having to worry about the person you love not loving you and supporting you. You will have clearer vision to see the distinction going forward.

Daria, I read your post soon after it was up but have been out of town and could not reply until I returned. I am so grateful for you sharing because your thoughts and the kind responses have also provided me insight into myself which aid me on my path.

While I can watch a spider spin its web for an hour, I struggle with not reacting quickly to life, especially to negativity. A feeling entered, an emotion presented itself, a piece of my world fell and I immediately moved without thought or reflection. I would feel anxiety and never question where it was coming from and what did it mean. My goal was to be rid of it.

Only after starting meditation, nothing fancy, no instructions or guidelines, it was just an overwhelming desire to quiet myself. I got this overwhelming desire to do this after I starting praying again after many years of forsaking it.

I lovingly suggest you start by just pausing and giving yourself time to sort it out. It took me weeks to just be able to sit quiet without my pain and anxiety flooding in and misdirecting me again. Pushing through this, not giving up on myself, not allowing the negativity to capture me again and again, was one of the greatest gifts I have ever given to myself. It literally changed my whole life.

I hope this makes sense, I so want to properly convey my experience so you perhaps can be helped by it. Love and light to you Daria. All will be well.

Daria,

Thank you for the kind words in the other thread, and I’m sorry for the suffering that you’re experiencing. I admit that i avoided responding to your post at first because I felt anger for him, and know that it clouds whatever loving words I could offer in support. They settled, and a few things came to heart as I reread your words.

It happens often in relationships that sexual tension and attraction are mistaken for love, and as the sex happens, the cup is drained and the sparkle fades. Said differently, I don’t think the guy was intentionally using you, rather he was just bewildered and entranced by desire. Connecting with others, especially romantically, can put us in almost a dreamlike state that unfortunately pops. Sometimes its from sex and the dissipating chi that happens after orgasm, sometimes from seeing our partner’s humanity (such as them getting mean, failing a task or even pooping). It sucks that it worked out that way in this instance for you, but don’t let it turn your heart cold or cynical. There is a lot of beauty and grace to be found in romantic partnerships.

Next time, consider keeping more of your investment on your side of things. Said differently, have sex when you’re ready, when you feel secure, when you want it… let it be a decision between you and your heart. In this situation, it sounds like your heart was depending on a future that was assured, rather than telling you that your body wanted to engage in union with him. Said differently, sex is beautiful and fun, but if our desire to do it is based on a future promise, then we often feel regret because those futures rarely happen the way we envision them. Instead, we can jump in with faith that whatever the outcome, we are doing what we want to do. Then the outcome isn’t as important. For instance, if you could go back to before having sex with him, would you make the same choice? Was the experience itself beautiful and nourishing? Was he gentle and nurturing? Were you awake and yearning? If in hingsight you’d answer no to these, you were perhaps caught up and not listening to your heart.

In terms of the emotions that arose afterward, I was struck by the way you said you were unable to keep your emotions in. There’s no reason to be ashamed of your emotions, they are a precious gift of living! We all have them, and expressing them (hopefully constructively and safely) helps us let go of all the tension that creates them. It was a big shift for you, of course it would be overwhelming! Grace’s kind words were pertinent, be patient and gentle with yourself.

Namaste, sister, may you find love and light.

With warmth,
Matt

You can’t really rely on another person to understand how you’re feeling, unfortunately, I think in the end all emotional conflicts are within ourselves and need to be sorted within ourselves. Physically you can be in conflict with somebody else, but emotions are something you have to sort out.

You’re definitely asking a lot of good questions, I really suggest you find somewhere quiet where you won’t be disturbed for a while and just relax and try to contemplate each one and keep asking questions and looking at things from different viewpoints until you are happy with your discoveries / decisions, then focus on that feeling of clarity. Those are the basics of analytical meditation as I understand it.

The point is not to fight your ideas or emotions but to observe them calmly and think about it all until you reach a point where you’re happy with your answers. You can’t do anything about other people but you can find your own happiness for sure.