fbpx
Menu

??I feel uncomfortable from what a friend said to me.

Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→??I feel uncomfortable from what a friend said to me.

New Reply
Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • December 3, 2016 at 12:57 pm #121825
    Bernhardt
    Participant

    hey, guys, I’m not sure if this topic really goes into “Emotional Mastery”? I think this is about emotion.

    Imagine someone told something not true and many people believed in that. You’re the only one who knew the truth, yet many of them didn’t believe you because you couldn’t show any obvious proof—this is actually what I experienced a while ago. That’s the past. I reconciled with that person(who doesn’t know the situation I’m experiencing right now)—But the only thing I need to deal with now, is between me and the bystanders who believed in what that person said… still, now, there’s one of them, sometimes, make fun of me and bring up this topic to the public, and later always said “Just kidding”, but it still makes me really uncomfortable. English is not my first language, plus I have a rather introvert personality, and since I can’t show them the proofs I just can’t say anything about it. The one who brought up this topic again continues “make fun”. I realize one thing from this—-even though the storm is calmed now, people who once believed in the misunderstanding still think me as the one in the situation who couldn’t prove anything.

    I don’t know should I stand up defending for myself, which has risks I think, or remaining silence?

    anyway, thank you for your patience to read <3

    December 3, 2016 at 5:05 pm #121836
    PURPLE POISE
    Participant

    “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”-Eleanor Roosevelt.

    What occurred during one-on-one encounters is hard to explain to the people not present during the transpired event. The very fact that the event has been passed around shows that the person involved needed validation and tried to justify the intimidation by discussing it with others. As an introvert myself, I too had been in a position very similar to yours. Most people have insecurities of their own and try to make themselves great by projecting it onto a defenseless person. I sincerely hope that you will have the courage to make a decision whether to directly confront and clarify or ignore the taunting and forgive. The power of choice is in your hands so use it accordingly and endure the outcome. In the end its upto you to decide if you want to show others that you have let the incident get under your skin or that you are above the whole situation.

    Peace.Poise.Power

    December 3, 2016 at 8:08 pm #121847
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear viktolis:

    You wrote: “I don’t know should I stand up defending for myself, which has risks I think, or remaining silence?” Can you, as clearly as you can, answer the following:

    What are the risks of standing up for yourself?

    What are the risks of you remaining silent?

    anita

    December 4, 2016 at 5:42 am #121865
    Bernhardt
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    if I said the truth but without showing solid evidence, they perhaps will still doubt it. And, the person who made fun of me, from I observed, has a hard time to know what things she can or can’t say in public. Every time when I saw this person sat around with other people (who also know me), I hoped she wouldn’t say anything about me or related to that topic. One thing I concern the most is what’s called “rumor” because I know how this can harm people if the situation is not under my control.
    I only told the truth to five people, two of them are not even around here(I texted them), one of them is a counselor but she cannot say out the things I told her because of her job’s requirement. The rest two one is my friend but she also has an introvert personality and talks less than I do. Another one is my friend as well, but English is not her first language as well and I don’t think she wants to involve in this. So there’re not many people who can support me in this.

    One of my risks of remaining silent is that this person perhaps would bring this topic up again. And, all other people who actually don’t know the truth perhaps would still think that I was the one who in that situation “don’t know the truth” (This one is more bearable but I feel more uncomfortable when that person sometimes brings up this topic)
    Everything was fine until this person brought up this topic. And I meet these people every day.

    December 4, 2016 at 5:53 am #121866
    Bernhardt
    Participant

    Hi purplepoise,

    Honestly, I am very happy if they know the truth—-in a more peaceful way, and I’m very happy if I’m above the situation. The only thing is I need figure out in what way actually can I make this happen. Another thing struggles me is that should I ever tell everything to the person who once said something wrong and caused today’s scenario? Because I don’t want to disrupt the peace between us…

    December 4, 2016 at 7:52 am #121871
    EmpowerU
    Participant

    Try to find a way to remain on the high road while confronting the situation as calmly as possible. Right now, you are both building camps to save face or be right rather than being direct with one another. Being respectfully direct will get it out on the table and you can hopefully both move on feeling relief. An approach might be –

    “Hey X, I notice you continue to bring up Y, so I think it is important we discuss this. What you are saying is untrue. What actually happened was Z (and only to the point you are comfortable sharing that.) When you share something about me that isn’t true that hurts me and hurts our relationship, which I value. Do you understand how I feel? Is there something you’d like to share that I need to understand? Can we agree to drop this and move on?”

    Allow X to save face while you accomplish your goal (end of destructive gossip) and model the type of behavior you’d want someone to confront you with. Being an introvert, practice your approach and role play what the exchange might look like so you build confidence. Good luck!

    December 4, 2016 at 8:41 am #121874
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear viktolis:

    I don’t know anything about the nature of the Truth and the Lie in your situation. I suggest from the little I do understand about the topic: if others are stating a Lie (without evidence), do state the Truth (without evidence). You are not in a courtroom, you don’t have to present evidence. They state a lie- you state the truth.

    anita

    December 4, 2016 at 10:50 am #121882
    Bernhardt
    Participant

    thank you anita, it truly helps

    December 4, 2016 at 10:53 am #121884
    Bernhardt
    Participant

    Thank you !

    December 4, 2016 at 11:17 am #121889
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, viktolis.
    anita

    December 5, 2016 at 6:33 am #121956
    PURPLE POISE
    Participant

    Dear Viktolis,

    If you feel you must clarify with the person involved, please go ahead and make all things clear regardless of the outcome. Because it seems as if you need to bring the truth to light and concealing it is causing you much discomfort. Somethings regarding our life are personal and you don’t have to reveal everything. Since you want to maintain peace with the person concerned, you do so only after the conflict has been resolved. So don’t worry about revealing why you are in a position that you are and leave the rest to the discernment of the other person. If the other continues to behave unreasonably even after the explanation, then let them be and surround yourself with others who continue to uplift and support you.

    purplepoise.

    December 10, 2016 at 7:27 am #122396
    Bernhardt
    Participant

    Thank you!

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.