Dear cestdanielle,

As per what i have read, your current situation is this –

You are 21
Live in a particular region
You work in a job that pays bills but you don’t like too much
You have had a troubled home life
You lack self confidence, suffer from anxiety

You want to stay in same place
But move away too

However it is difficult to make this change.

Have I understood correctly so far?

I won’t ask you to go to therapy and sort of out the past. It is recommended though because there appears to be a lot of the past to sort out, lot of distorted thinking etc.

I would suggest you spend some minutes of the day without gadgets, technology or people to unwind into something like needlework or painting which requires concentration but is not mentally taxing. Your mind needs rest, it is much like a fast flowing furious stream of thoughts now without enough focus. That’s why you can’t see clearly beyond the body’s frightened, stressed state.

Also start a practise of breathing exercises like alternate noistril breathing and other pranayam. Writing down thoughts would help too.

And lastly, I want to say it’s okay. Things are uncertain now but i suppose the whole point of this difficult situation now is to teach you the skills to come out of it. Those skills in turn will help you throughout in your life – things like regulating your emotional state, staying calm, grappling with uncertainity. You are doing alright though and asking good questions through this turmoil period. Its a gradual process and things do change with time.

What do you think?

Regards
Nina

Do try this if you get time –

I’m so scared that I’ll spend the rest of my life not doing what I want to

The source of the fear you’re experiencing in the present is coming from an imagined future.
The purpose of fear is to get our attention so that we might deal with what it’s pointing to.
As this fear is coming from a possibility that hasn’t happened yet you can change the story and start working toward your hopes by turning them in to goals. Avoid living in a imagined Future and return to the Present.

Dreams and hopes that never become goals are fantasies.

It could be that if you are focusing on the feelings that the fear creates is what is keeping you stuck.
Fight, flight or freeze. In this case the fear of a imagined future seems to be keeping you frozen. As this the fear is about a future that has not happened yet you have space to create a plan and respond (fight) to the fear and not react (freeze)

Examine your fears and let them teach you and they will dissipate.

Fear is more often than not False Evidence Appearing Real. Mediate on the stories you are telling yourself and take your eyes off any false evidence. Live now

The car goes where the eyes go. If you focus on the fear you will create it, take your eyes off the false stories and instead focus on where you want to go (goals).

Hello,

These issues are complicated, more so with the past events thrown in. Two years ago, I sought therapy for a short while. My doc said I had suffered/was suffering from something called major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety too. I wasn’t surprised though but I wasn’t keen on starting medication. Neither was she due to certain other medical factors. Since I wasn’t suicidal at that point, I was in a more receptive state about what could help me live better.

Anyway, my psychologist was very positive though and said that with the right kind of help, I could make recovery. I was relieved and we began two things – one being talk therapy to get through lot of uncomfortable emotions, work through number of twisted thought processes.

This was supplemented by something called relaxation therapy where I was taught how to use a combination of breathing exercises, bodily adjustments to get my body to calm down. It wasn’t easy though but I did learn number of skills along the way and it was comforting to talk to someone about what was really bothering me.

The biggest help though was being able to find outlets through breathing exercises like pranayam (Google this) and physical exercise, proper diet. Then of course, as I felt more okay over the months, I could reach out to people and was surprised by how good some of them were. Having a few good people here and there helps too.

Turning towards spirituality also provided me with an internal compass of sorts to ride through the days, outside of the events that were happening. Discovering that inner locus of control was really important. I took to the ideas in the Bhagwad Gita for example regarding developing composure of oneself. I still have a long way to go.

Basically what I am saying is don’t expect a dramatic change overnight. Thia process has started since 2012 and even now i am progressing.

Healing is possible though with the right help. Coming to terms with things that you couldn’t possibly control as a child is possible – it doesn’t mean you aren’t a capable person in general. It doesn’t mean your whole life will be here in this place.

As Anita said, it’s best to move away from all of this, venture into the unknown to heal. I am sure you can feel better too over time and really build a good life, not the one you saw as a kid but something better.

Regards
Nina