Hi All,

This year is very rough on me. Last year, I was a victim of sexual assault. Yes, the situation bothered me deeply, but I put it behind me. Unfortunately, I did not press charges against the perpetrator because I was ashamed and in denial about being raped. However, I continued my studies as a college student, but my depression returned.

During the fall semester, I found myself struggling to pay my tuition. My family members did not support me, emotionally and financially with this matter. They often ignored me, not calling or messaging to see if I was okay or in need of anything and If I called or messaged them I felt rushed off the phone. So, I turned to dating rich, older men to take care of my expenses. This stint did not last long because I refused to be intimate with them.

By spring semester, I was finally able to pay off my expenses for school. I graduated this past May and contrary to my belief that things would get better, they did not. I came home from college without a job. Part of this is due to my decision to switch career paths and pursue an artistic passion of mine since childhood. Of course, I did not tell my family about this either.

I realized from an early age that when it comes down to my family I am on my own. Due to the nature of our relationship, I did not tell my family about my choice to switch careers. I did this because I figured they would not approve nor be supportive. When I got home, I started applying for jobs that were flexible and I hold experience and skills in, to pay for my art classes, debt, and bills.

But, it has been very difficult finding a job even one that is not in my field of study because of this my depression has returned and is terrible. Yes, I exercise, talk to friends, read books, and etc., yet, nothing has resolved how I feel.

I have been trying to look on the bright side of things every day and it is difficult. Often times, I feel as if I get my hopes up when I go in for an interview because most times either: I never hear back from the job, did not get the job, or the employer has an employee who is willing to stay or get promoted within the company. All of this makes it hard to see light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself getting angry and frustrated because I do not understand the purpose of this.

Why have I been unemployed for so long? I have adjusted my resume for every position, I have perfected my interview skills, and applied for jobs nearby where I have relevant experience in. What is the point in suffering like this?