What Vic said. Also, it might seem obvious, but it sounds like you’re clinically depressed. Depression lies to us, and tells us that nothing is working out, everything is horrible, and we’ll never feel better. This is simply not true.

You say that you will never take meds, and to me, that seems like the depression talking. It doesn’t want you to feel better. But there’s a part of you who does want to feel better, or you wouldn’t have posted here.

I just recently started taking zoloft after years and years of being unhappy and refusing to take meds. You know what? I feel better now. Whether it’s a placebo effect, the meds, or something else entirely, it feels great to feel “normal” again. Ask yourself why you are so dead-set against at least trying medication or speaking to a professional. Are you somewhat comfortable in a place of feeling sorry for yourself and feeling like a victim? If so, and you don’t take steps to get out that mindset, you will be unhappy for the rest of your life. Do you really want that?

There are lots of people who have built good lives without a degree, and who started out in a place like you’re in, but changed their lives for the better. Comparing yourself to your friends is going to be painful right now because they’re on a standard societally-planned path, and you’re not. You may always be different than your peers. I’ve always been different than mine, too, and sometimes it feels extremely lonely. But your path is OK. You don’t have to be like them. Late bloomers are often the happiest people later in life, because they’ve taken the path less traveled and figured out who they really are, while people who did what they’re “supposed” to do often find out later that those things don’t make them happy.

You say you hate everything. I’d focus on finding something – anything – that you like, and finding other people who like that, too, even if only one or two. I know it feels more comfortable to isolate yourself, but that won’t help you feel better. It’ll just keep the cycle of self-hatred going.

You can get out of this if you really want to. I’ve been there, believe me, and I know a lot of other people who have. Good luck to you! Hugs.

Audrey,
I understand the same ol, same ol, day in and day out thing we all experience. I do feel however, that you like some of the other posts said, that your a bit depressed. Have you talked with your primary care physician who can perhaps recommend a therapist or just soemeone to talk with? YOu say you wont take any medication whatsoever. Why?? Being on antidepressants, even the slightest mg may help you to start to feel like “all is not lost”. Some being seretonin reuptake meds work on the seratonin in your body to eventually (1 week or more) start to feel better. There is no stigma any longer about antidepressants. Many people including myself have been on them and they are what keeps us feeling well and our best selves..on most days.

Audrey, dont be afraid of the future. Today’s tiny buddha was about facing uncertainty. Everyone is uncertain about their future, and its totally fine. Rest assured that you wont always feel this way.

What are you grateful for in your life today? It can be the most simplest thing: like just being able to work out. Having that cup of cofee in the morning, a roof over your head. Are you a spiritual person? Know that there is a higher power guiding you even when you dont feel it.
Dont you ever say your life is not worth living!! Just reading this makes me very sad.
Please think about talking to someone for an objective view on things.
I wish you the best Audrey.