- This topic has 5 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 12 months ago by urooz.
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December 22, 2017 at 3:32 pm #183309uroozParticipant
Hello everyone,
I find this site very relaxing. I see different post from different people here and make me realize I am not alone.
I have been a very bright student. I took Science as my major but i felt like i never wanted to study science. I completed my studies but i feel like a failure. I feel so useless all the time as if my life does not have any purpose. I envy people with something to look forward to.
I am a push over by nature and i am easily convinced by what others say to me. I have been doing that. Now it feels like all my life i have doing things what others wanted me to do. I never knew what i wanted or never gave myself time to think what i want. Somewhere along the way, I have lost myself or what i want. What am i actually good at?
I am married but my marital life is so unstable (already posted about it before). I want to make him happy but when are crisis with your own self i think its not possible to keep another person happy. I just don’t know how to be at ease with myself. How to feel good about myself and how to move in life. It keeps going but its like i am just wasting my youth which is never coming back.
December 22, 2017 at 7:14 pm #183313PeterParticipantThis may sound strange to you however you are just where you need to be to get to where you want to go. Part of the difficulty in realizing this is the tendency to only see the forest. In your post you have identified all the area you want to work on but when looking at them all together its not wonder your overwhelmed.
The trick to moving forward from where you are (which is the only place you can move from and will move from regardless of the direction you go) is by taking one step and then the next. I donât mean for that to sound trite but that is a truth most people overlook because we want to leap forward to some imagined future where all is as we desire. Yet even a leap requires taking a step.
A step you could take is taking your post and breaking it down into a list of things you would like to work on. Avoid labelling them with words like impossible, never, difficult. Avoid attaching past memories and stories to the list. You will know your doing that if you tart getting lost in âif onlyâs, or shouldâs or could ofâs. This is only a list of areas in your life you would like to improve. The next step would be to select something simple on the list that you can start to improve on and then start. (don’t start with purpose – you are purpose) Stay focused on the one step and avoid getting paralyzed from looking at too much all at once. If you can a life coach could be a great help to keep you on track. Avoid beating yourself up when you falter, and you will, (if you didn’t you wouldn’t be learning) so insure to celebrate the victories as they will come.
Change happens slowly then all at once. Your post indicates you have it within you to achieve something that you have yet to imagine.
âFollow your bliss.
If you do follow your bliss,
you put yourself on a kind of track
that has been there all the while waiting for you,
and the life you ought to be living
is the one you are living.When you can see that,
you begin to meet people
who are in the field of your bliss,
and they will open doors to you.Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.ââ Joseph Campbell
- This reply was modified 7 years ago by Peter.
December 23, 2017 at 5:11 am #183319uroozParticipantThank you Peter. I have read your post twice. I have been in this situation for like 5 years. All these years i have been playing someone who is not me. I have taken too long to realize, so i think i wasted so much of my time. It made me not only lose myself but it has caused people around me to suffer. This is the thing that bothers the most.
As you mentioned, Take a step regardless of the direction. You are right but the thing is, like i said before I am not sure the step that i want to take is because i want to take that step or is it because others want me to take that step.
In order to clarify more i can give an example, i hope its not too much information. My husband wants babies but i think i have never been ready. He has been very supportive of that. But in our culture or society when you get married, people start to ask about having kids after a month. I am married for five years and everyone is freaking out. I do want kids at some point. Now i am thinking about it, but i don’t know if i want kids because i am under pressure or i really want to have kids. Things are not clear to me. That is why i don’t know what i want anymore.
December 23, 2017 at 6:24 am #183321AnonymousGuestDear urooz:
You wrote that you don’t know what you want… because you care too much about what other people want you to do. You listen to what other people want you to do, their voices are so loud, that you can’t hear your own voice.
One topic you mentioned is having kids being married five years. Having kids, or not, is a huge decision, a big item to decide on. I have a question regarding small items, because the answer may be in them. When you go about your day as is, for example, folding laundry: do you fold the laundry and put away clothes the way you were taught or is there a better way to consider, your own way of folding laundry?
If you can’t answer the laundry question, think of something else you do during a normal day in your life, something you do the way others do that particular thing, but there is a better way (once you consider it), your own way. Tell me, if you will, about it?
anita
December 25, 2017 at 3:18 pm #183597ElianaParticipantHi Urooz,
First of all, congratulations on your completing college and degree! This is no easy endeavor, and this alone says you are not a failure. There is no such thing. Can you look up the word “failure” in the dictionary for me? Tell me what it says.
You are still very young. I too went to college, graduated in 2002, even with honors, yet I was in the wrong major. I then decided to go back and complete my Masters in something related that I would enjoy more, but I started to have health problems and could not finish. I am much, much older than you. There is a great book called “What color is your parachute”. It takes your personality and character traits and matches them up with the best job suited for you. It has been a best selling book since the 1980’s, always updated. Keep trying, you will find something you like. Giving up is not an option.
Concentrate on yourself right now, and things will fall into place. It is not your job to make someone happy. Only they can do that. You have to take care of yourself right now, because no one is going to. Everybody is worried about their own lives. Don’t worry about things you can’t control such as children. When it is meant to be, it will happen. But please don’t put yourself down anymore. God, does not make junk. We all have purpose. x
December 26, 2017 at 6:45 am #183671uroozParticipantDear Eliana,
Thank you so much for reading my post and taking your time to write for me. Your words are encouraging and i am definitely going for the book your mentioned. I overthink a lot and end up lost and depressed. Also have so much complications and can not talk to anyone about. But we are responsible for our own complications so i should not be complaining. You are right, I should take care of myself and be positive about myself because at the end of the day i am the one I can rely on.
I wish you a good health,
Thank you again. I will keep posting
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