fbpx
Menu

I feel in too deep but am I wasting my time?

Home→Forums→Relationships→I feel in too deep but am I wasting my time?

New Reply
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • March 4, 2018 at 9:35 am #195863
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear tonorli:

    You wrote that you wish you “had the strength to just go with the flow and see what happens”- but this is impossible to do when you have the experience of having been “led on for the wrong reasons, and they’ve dropped (you) as soon as the novelty has worn off”.

    The brain remembers such experiences because they hurt, and automatically it is now fearful of it happening again. With such a fear, one cannot “go with the flow”.

    The fact that he didn’t tell you at the beginning of the relationship that he had a long travel planned soon enough and that he told you that you are probably right (that you are not on the same page) lead me to think that this is not a promising relationship. Contacting you did read to me (before I read your understanding of it) that he was lonely that week.

    With the fear of being hurt again, better let go if you can and when meeting another man, in the future, or meeting this man at some time in the farther future, find out at the beginning stages (possibly at the very beginning) what is a man’s motivation and see if there is a match.

    anita

    March 5, 2018 at 5:17 am #195959
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Tonorli,

    I am thinking that while he is traveling, maybe he has had time to think about things, and his inviting you to visit him leads to to believe that maybe his feelings for you may have turned more romantic. You will never know unless you ask him. If not, you will always be unsure, and doubting his feelings and intentions. Just think of it as what do you have to lose? It sounds like you really like him, so why not just plunge in, and ask him again his feelings and intentions toward you. Be honest with him, and let him know you feel he is giving you mixed signals. If he still gives you “just want to be friends talk” than at least you will know..

    March 6, 2018 at 11:24 am #196143
    tonorli
    Participant

    He still wants me to visit next month, so I feel like it wasn’t just a quick sporadic idea for him to invite me. We aren’t speaking as much but I also don’t want to keep in contact everyday because it would be to pressurising on the situation . I just still feel very insecure however because I know my feelings go very deep  and I suppose I have to deal with the idea that I could get hurt if it falls flat. However I think I need to take that risk.. I just hope it doesnt

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by tonorli.
    March 6, 2018 at 11:52 am #196147
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear tonorli:

    I think that it will be a good idea to do the following before you invest in going on this trip: write down two scenarios regarding the trip you are considering:

    in the first scenario the trip goes well for you, the way that would satisfy you completely.

    in the second scenario (can be a few scenarios) the trip does not go well for you, and you are unsatisfied.

    Spend time relaxing and imagining the second, see it in your mind’s eye.

    If you can imagine the second relaxed, at one point, and come to peace with it, then the trip may be a good idea. But if you can’t come to peace with the second, it is probably not a good idea, says I.

    anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.