We met at the end of last summer and hit it off straight away, I’ve never clicked with someone so well and felt so happy with him. I definitely fell fast for him, but about a month and a half in, he told me he was going away to travel. I was annoyed he hadn’t said it at the start because I would have known to not let myself get carried away with feelings but by this point I knew I was in quite deep already. We kept seeing each other for a few weeks after but then I called it off because I had to protect myself from getting really hurt down the line, and said to him my feelings were getting stronger the more I spent time with him and I didn’t think we were on the same page with what we wanted because I sensed he wasn’t feeling the same way. He’s not good at talking about feelings and its really hard to have serious conversations about it, so what I managed to get from him was he told me I was probably right, but he did like me and didn’t want to lose touch so to at least be friends. The perfect situation would have been that he’d say he felt the same. I do get it though that he’s going travelling and you want to fully embrace that experience and not feel you can’t fully enjoy it, especially because we don’t know each other that long.

We met a few times and kept in contact as friends until he went travelling, which I thought he would be going for ages, but apparently he has now planned to go only a few months. Ever since we both called it off, I have really struggled because I so desperately wanted my feelings for him to subside and even over periods when we have not been in touch, I’ve felt so heartbroken and so sad that I cannot be with him or talk to him, and I know I hold him up so high in my mind that no other guy comes close. I’ve even tried to date a few other people to try and get my mind of him but it makes me upset because all I want is him. I’m so sure he’s going to meet someone while he is away and I know I’ll find that really hard.

He left a month ago, however, a week ago, he started messaging me and acting really keen, wanting to know how I’m doing and sending me updates every day on what he’s been doing away. He then asked for me to go out and visit him – but this weekend, which is such short notice and I told him I just don’t have the money or time off atm. Throughout the week, he made a few more attempts at getting me to come visit, and I did say that maybe next month but I really couldn’t this weekend. I don’t know what has made him so keen all of a sudden and it hasn’t felt like we’ve been talking just as friends, I know it’s more than that. I’m so afraid however that he was just talking to me because he was feeling lonely and now he’s going to lose touch again because that’s the only reason why he’s been chatting, but because I’ve not come to visit him so he will stop. I can’t deal anymore with the confusion of whether or not there is a future between us and if it is just bad timing or whether I am just someone to keep his ego going when he feels lacking. I have insecurities from past experiences where I’ve been led on for the wrong reasons, and they’ve dropped me as soon as the novelty has worn off so I know that has affected my thoughts here. I just want to know how if his feelings, whatever they are, are genuine or if I am just wasting my time on someone who will probably find someone else and I’ll be left in the dark again.

My mood is so dependant on him which I hate, but I’ve felt so happy the past week talking the way we have, and I wish I had the strength to just go with the flow and see what happens, but I feel like every day is tormenting me, living in either false hope or no hope at all. Should I move on? I don’t even know anymore.