Throughout my childhood, i have always felt ugly and poor. I was just unhappy and was ashamed of my poor unsuccessful parents-family. I thought that only rich and beautiful people deserved to be happy. I didnt have a boyfriend, i thought only losers would date me. Though i was inlove with someone who didnt want me…
In university my appearance improved a lot and most people would find me pretty. I changed many boyfriends, i was popular but i lied a lot about my childhood. I grew up in new rich area (though my family was poor) and most people would think i was coming from a rich family also… I would imitate snob and superficial behavior, i wanted to be like people who i didnt like …

I was unlucky in love as well. Always in love with someone who i wouldnt even like because he would reject me, always cruel with the kind people who loved me… I was never honest and close to anybody… I lied a lot …

I am now 36 … i have changed four countries, jobs , lovers, i have three degrees, i am good looking, my mother died ten years ago and i miss her a lot… i am in a relationship since 5 years with somebody who loves me, but i dont love him back … i am just afraid to be alone though…i widh i could love him have children and be happy…

i wish things were easier for me … i wish could just be ok to be myself … i wish i could feel i just deserve happiness and love like everybody else…