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I don't know what to do anymore

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Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
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  • December 26, 2016 at 3:18 pm #123627
    Natallyie
    Participant

    I have been in a relationship for the past 8 years and now married for 2 years. Since I know him his parents were controlling since he is the only child. But I thought things would change when we got married because I thought he will always stick up for me, that’s what he promise. I thought he loved me. Since his parents wanted us to get married we plan our wedding but then his parents didn’t want me do anything, they wanted to do everything so it cause problems but I thought it will finish after we married. But it just got worst. Since he the only child they wanted us to lived with them so we did. Then his mother wanted to know everything he does and what he work for and how he spends it. They then claim that I am making their son hate them. They wanted to do all cooking and got vex when I cook for him. But I still cooking for him. They got vex more. They damage all my utensil. They try to take over all my things. They used all my things as the please. When I cook the used my cook food and Recook it. I am feeling out of control what should I do. He don’t tell them nothing. He don’t want to say nothing to them. His parent would try if he try to say anything. Now I am thinking divorce. Any advise?

    December 26, 2016 at 4:15 pm #123629
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Der Natallyie:

    You married a man, not three people: a man, his mother and his father.

    If he doesn’t agree to move out of his parents’ house and live away from them, and if once living away from them, he allows them in as guests only, then yes, of course, you should divorce him.

    As the wife, you need to be the lady of the house. As it is you are the guest, and a mistreated guest. Not acceptable.

    anita

    December 26, 2016 at 6:13 pm #123639
    Natallyie
    Participant

    Thank you Anita. We decided to move out but his mother started to cry and blaming me. That I am taking away her son from her. We plan to move out May next year. But I am not sure if this thing will continue. If they will want to make decisions from far.

    December 26, 2016 at 6:23 pm #123640
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear natallyie2016:

    In your original post you wrote that you are considering divorce. Do you have any children with this man? Did you talk divorce to him and how did he respond?

    Is the moving out in May something your husband did to show you that he is on your side? More questions, how far away are you moving and more about your thoughts about divorce?

    anita

    December 26, 2016 at 8:32 pm #123649
    Natallyie
    Participant

    Hello again. No we don’t have any children yet. It was our decision. We are moving to another country. I love him a lot. We have been together for a long time. We had a lot of ups and downs. But we got through it all. I have been very unhappy lately so I was thinking a divorce but we just had talk and I feel a lot better. I was thinking divorce because I am afraid things will get worst. I am wondering if it will continue or if I can rely on him. He not a man of his word. I don’t have anyone else to talk to or ask for advise. That why I am asking..

    December 26, 2016 at 10:32 pm #123655
    Theresa
    Participant

    Professional marriage therapist is a sure way to seek out help, I wonder how come this was not one of your initial considerations. Quitting or suggesting ending the marriage is never a healthy way of resolving marital issue.

    “For better or for worse” remember that vow? I am glad however it sounds like you guys are moving forward…if his mother cries still, buy her a box of tissues, wish her the best, with a giant smile.

    December 27, 2016 at 6:54 am #123676
    Natallyie
    Participant

    Actually, we don’t have have therapist where I am from or we would have see one done. Here people want to hear your story to laugh at you and share it with everyone.

    I like the way you think. But she will go and called all her family and tell them and the just go 8n hating on me, calling and insulting me.

    I want to give our marriage a try. See if it will work out for us.

    Other than not standing on his word he does everything for me. Makes his mother mad. One time he took my plate to wash and she say let me wash my own plate, what if someone see that what will the say..

    December 27, 2016 at 9:25 am #123691
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear natallyie2016:

    Following your last shares, I have a better understanding of your situation.

    If you and your husband are moving to another country and his parents are staying in the present country, there is much improvement right there, isn’t it? Much improvement in your situation IF his parents don’t move to the new country to be near their son, or worse, to your home in the new country!

    Make it an ultimatum to your husband: his parents are never to live in your home once you move out, no matter what and under no circumstance. He may not be strong enough to keep his word in this regard, but he will know that YOU are strong enough to keep your word. So don’t ask him to not have his parents living with you in the future.

    Don’t ask him; tell him. Then ask him if he intends to fight you over this in the future. Because if he has such intention, he should tell you now and you will do what you need to do (separate and divorce).

    I think it is a good idea, if he agrees to this condition, that you have him write and sign such a note. You can keep his signed agreement for future reference, when he… forgets his agreement.

    Reads to me like your husband is too weak to stand up to his parents, particularly his mother. This is understandable because she is and was a dominant woman, controlling while he was still a child. In a way, with her, he is still that child, scared of her and submissive to her. So you need to be the adult in regard to his mother/ parents.

    Post anytime.

    anita

    December 27, 2016 at 11:49 am #123713
    Natallyie
    Participant

    Thanks so much. I will try your advise. I feel so much better. And I have a good feeling about this… @anita

    December 27, 2016 at 12:05 pm #123717
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, natallyie2016. Glad you are feeling better. Post anytime.
    anita

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