Mz,

I’m sorry for your suffering, and can understand how alone we sometimes feel, especially when we’ve lost a loved one. I’m sorry for your loss, and hope your grief heals with time. Don’t despair, dear sister, you’re not alone, and thank you for reaching out. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Consider just how much of your strength is being consumed by that man. You feel low, lost, alone, and from some reserve of strength, summon the courage to reach out to him. “Will you love me, comfort me?” And his “of course not, you’re unlovable”. What a terrible and undeserved rebuke! His response has nothing to do with you, there is something wrong with that guy. Not only are you simply, easily lovable, but his response is so devoid of compassion or kindness its actually astounding!

This reaching out to him and being rejected is turning your self esteem to shit. Consider what might grow if you reached out to someone that was caring. Here on tinybuddha is great, but often there are mom’s groups and other social support systems that can help, too. Lots of people care, dear sister, it just sometimes takes some effort to find them. But, if you stopped reaching for him, think of all the strength you’d save! Plenty enough, is my bet, to find your way.

Said differently, it sounds like you offer your hand out to him, and he to chops it off, and says you deserve to be chopped. Then, you regrow you hand, offer it again, hoping you deserve kindness this time. And he chops it off. In my assessment, he’s feeding off you, eating your hand, or whatever. Said differently, it sounds like he builds his self confidence by pummeling yours, feeling powerful as you cower. Run, sister, that’s no good.

Finally, consider spending a little time regrowing the light inside you. You’ve been through some terrible storms, and its no wonder your light feels dim. Regrowing the light, or finding the strength to heal, is done through self nurturing. Take a bath with candles, listen to soft music, go for a walk, or whatever hobbies or actions that helps provide space and peace to your tender heart. One of my favorites is loving kindness meditation, which really helps the mind become smooth, and the heart radiant. Consider searching “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” if interested. Even once a day for a week could help a lot, especially if you can do it in the morning.

Good luck, sister. For what its worth, I’m rooting for you! May your light shine and bring happiness to you and your children.

With warmth,
Matt