I don't know what I'm doing, feelig hopeless.

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This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 4 months ago by Chrissy.

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September 30, 2014 at 9:48 am #65796

Sandy
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I am 25 years old and I turn 26 in about a month. My life is a big mess and I feel hopeless. I have no idea what I am doing and I feel like I am stuck. Over the past years I have changed my major a few times and I finally decided that I was going to stick to one. I tried to get excited about it and apply myself but I still haven’t finished school. I withdrew from my classes a couple of times, and now my loans have been taken away because I don’t meet SAP due to excessive hours. I have many completed hours but since I have changed my major they don’t really apply to my current degree. I am about two semesters away from completing this degree and now I can’t complete it due to lack of funding. Not to mention that during my earlier 20’s I racked up some debt and ruined my credit. I realized I had a shopping problem that had to do more with me being impulsive. I have since then stopped any impulsive shopping. I stay away from stores and I make list of things I need and stick to it. In that area I have definitely improved. Now I am currently not going to school this semester and I am working a serving job that I’ve been at for the past 6 years. After living with a boyfriend for about a year we both moved back into my mother’s house to save money and because my mother was living alone and wanted company. We have been here for about 5 months now and have yet to save any money. The house is pretty old so we have had some fixing up to do but now we have hit a point were we should of started saving and hasn’t really happened. I haven’t finished my degree, I don’t have the money to pay for school, I have debt I haven’t paid off, I’m stuck at my mothers. To make things worse, my boyfriend wants us to move out in the next year but I feel like I can’t afford to move out and work full time to pay rent and try to finish school sounds impossible. He can’t afford to pay all the bills on his own while I finish school if we move out so staying at my mom’s is best if I want to finish my degree. A degree for a job I’m not sure I’m passionate for. I see all my friends who have finished school and have a good job now and even are married now with a new home of their own and can’t help to think that something is wrong with me. Why can’t I complete things? Why can’t I just stick to something? Why don’t I know what I want to do? Why do I keep making the same mistakes over and over again? At this point I don’t really care anymore about doing something I like for a living. We all have to do things we don’t like in order to get where we want. All of the things I want to do are either unrealistic or things I wouldn’t really make money doing. Money is an issue for me, I don’t have any, I’m in debt, and my family doesn’t have any. I just want to be independent, get out of debt, have my own place, and save some money. I’ve thought about just finding a better paying job and working hard to pay of debt but it’s hard for me to not go to school or give up on school. I don’t want to get stuck in the service industry. Since my time off this semester I’ve had time to reflect and think about everything, and I have come to acknowledge I have some issues with procrastination, time management, discipline, anxiety, and self sabotage. I feel that these are things I need to acknowledge and work on then device a plan to get myself out of this hole I’ve put myself into. I can’t help but to feel depressed about my situation and feel helpless. I don’t really trust my judgement anymore. I’d like to get some advice on this disaster I call my life. Thank you.

September 30, 2014 at 2:16 pm #65810

cat dancing
Participant

Dear Sandy. Wow, there is a lot going on here. I don’t have any sage advice but would like to make some observations in hopes that you won’t feel so alone and hopeless.

Maybe you can narrow your list of things you think you need to fix down to one or two things. Simple things; i.e. if saving money is something important to you, get a cookie jar or something and make a rule that you must put $5 in it per day (or every other day, or once a week) or some other amount that is actually do-able. I have done this before (when I quit smoking I put the dough in a jar) and it surprised me how much it added up. When you see the dollars growing in that jar you will feel a sense of accomplishment because you are meeting one of your goals.

You don’t have to give up on school in order to survive. Perhaps you can talk to a counselor at the school you wish to go to and find out how you can manage one class at a time or something. Maybe you can go to community college where the costs are less, and take just one class per semester? I know it’s not easy as I have done the same. I am returning to school in the spring after a long hiatus. I work full time and am on my own with financial issues, etc., so I have decided that I will do what is managable and realistic and be patient about it.

My beloved aunt (my mentor and spiritual advisor) sent me a quote from St. Francis of Assisi which I keep on my desk at work. It says “First start with doing what is necessary; then what is possible, and, suddenly you are doing the impossible…” I find this to be very true. Start with what is necessary (saving $5 a week) and then what is possible (paying for a class with that money) and suddenly you are doing what you thought was impossible!

Go easy on yourself. YOu are young and there is a lot of life in front of you. Remember that life is a gift. While you accomplish one of your goals, you can also maybe make a gratitude list or start a gratitude journal. This was a real game-changer for me when I was in the midst of deep, dark hell. My life was such a “disaster” that the only rule I made for the gratitude journal was that I had to write just one thing in it per day. Just one thing! I started out with things like: I am grateful for my cat. My sister. A hot shower, etc. Some days I repeated the same thing I wrote the day before. But then something amazing happened. One thing became three, which became five, which became 10…it seemed the more I found to be grateful for, the more blessings entered into my life. It truly is an amazing, amazing thing and very uplifting too. It changed my mood and thought process from negative to positive…and you know what? That’s all you really have to do! The rest follows. It takes time, practice and conscious effort, but the payoff is very worth it.

I hope this has helped you some, Sandy. You are not alone. You will be okay. You are on the road to finding what fulfills you.

Sincerely,
cat dancing

October 1, 2014 at 7:23 am #65854
Nerdy Creator
Participant
Hey Sandy,

It’s perfectly okay with what you are going through right now. Most people in their 20s don’t know what their life is about. And although it appears to you that they are doing great, most of them don’t know what their purpose in life is.

There are a few things which you can sort out the mess you are going through.

1) List them out in bullet points on a piece of paper. It’s much clearer and less overwhelming this way. So for your example, you can do something like this:

– lack of funding for your major
– impulsive shopping problem
– not going to school and working at a serving job
– not saving enough
– fix up the old house
– haven’t finished your degree
– stuck at mother’s house
– boyfriend wants to move out with you next year
– not sure if you are passionate in your major
– can’t complete things
– problems with procrastination, time management, discipline, anxiety, and self sabotage.

2) Ask yourself what is the most important thing you want out of life right now. Money, studies, career, relationship, freedom? Is leaving your mother that important right now?
Choose one area which you are going to improve and focus on making it better.

I’m not asking you to give up your relationship, studies or job. But the key thing about completing stuff is focus.

If you have several things to do in a day for e.g. do groceries shopping, pay your bills, eat lunch, watch a movie, you can’t possibly do everything at the same time. You can only be at one place at a certain point in time. So my advice would be presence and focus on doing one thing at the time. And after you complete something, move on to the next. Take it slow.

No matter how successful people are, most people want to achieve everything fast. I shared problem as you. You can read more about it here: http://www.fearlesspassion.com/blog/three-beauties-overlook-want-achieve-dreams-fast/

3) Read more self-help books. It helps in the long run. The issues you have mentioned – procrastination, time management, discipline, anxiety, and self sabotage, are not issues at all. A little tweak to your perception and mindset. You will find that everything changes.

All the best 🙂
Yong Kang Chan (aka Nerdy Creator)
Author of Fearless Passion: Find the Courage to Do What You Love
- This reply was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by tinybuddha.
November 8, 2014 at 8:04 pm #67542

Chrissy
Participant

Hi Sandy,

You sound like you’re going through a lot and I want to share something with you about real hope. I am going to come off as preachy and “that Christian girl” but what I have to say can truly change your life. Start reading the bible. That book has everything you’ll ever need. Just try it, 5 minutes every day. Something will happen in your life you weren’t expecting. You will feel the most warmth, love, peace, and pure joy you’ve ever known. I can see how in comparison to what others have to say my advise sounds like there is no real plan of action to get out of debt and finish school, but I promise a relationship with God can help you in the long run. Try listening to Christian radio. I have several favorite pastors I listen to on a daily basis. Try pastor Jack Hibbs, he’s funny and there is an app to listen to his sermons “Real Life Radio”. Pastor Mike Fabarez is also good, you can listen to his sermons on another app called One Place. Another great resource is a program called To Every Man an Answer; however you’ll have to Google where you can listen to this. This program is great because many people call in and ask these knowledgable pastors questions about the bible and Christian life. Lastly, if your looking for super intellectual Christian apologist try Ravi Zacharis, you can find him on the One Place app as well.

If you’ve tried many things and nothing seems to be working and you still feel hopeless why not give Christianity a shot. For me, being Christian and trying to live the Christian lifestyle has helped in all areas of my life.

Please don’t dismiss this as useless and keep an open mind. I hope for you the best, I wish you a happy journey on your way to find Christ, and I will pray for you. Jeremiah 29: 11-13
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