Dear Connie:

I don’t see a reason to get too  hopeful or discouraged. It is simply too early and he is very busy, so it is understandable that he is otherwise occupied. Patience is key, so it is good that you are practicing it (“I am also practicing my patience”).

As you practice your patience, keep your eyes and ears open but not too anxiously, best you can. Gather information over time.. patiently. I hope you keep posting here regarding this beginning relationship. I hope it turns out well for you and for him.

anita

Dear Connie:

You are welcome.

You need a man to show clear and persistent interest in you so that you will not be wondering if he is interested in you, and this man is not showing that clear and persistent interest that you need. This lack has caused you anxiety and it makes sense that ending this is a way to resolve this anxiety. I hope you post with his reaction to your latest text to him.

anita

Dear Connie:

“Perhaps he felt we were never official so there’s no need to ‘end’ since there was never a ‘beginning?’-

If he really doesn’t answer your text, if he really does disappear, or ghost you like you suspect that he might, that is hurtful and will be hurtful for a while.

It is better, isn’t it, to not be physically intimate with a man too soon, before it is determined and acknowledged by both parties that there has been a beginning. For some people it may be okay to have sexual encounters and feel okay without a continuation, some follow up. But I don’t think it is okay with you. So better make a mental note of this experience and wait next time, wait for an established, solid enough beginning before getting emotionally and physically invested.

anita

Dear Connie:

I wish he didn’t disappear, what a shame that people do that. I suppose it will hurt for a while. Do make that mental note I suggested, be guided by the principle (of establishing a good beginning before becoming physically involved) and not by the feelings-of-the moment.

Post again anytime. I hope you feel better soon!

anita

Dear Connie:

I hope a friendship does come out of this then. What was it that he couldn’t give you (“he couldn’t give me what I was looking for”), did he say specifically?

anita

Dear Connie:

If you are to become friends with him, if it is to be a quality friendship, you will ask him questions I suppose, like what he is looking for in a friendship, and what he is  looking for in a relationship, and he will ask you the same things. You will exchange information, true information about each other, get to know each other as friends.

Why not ask him a question, when he says something and you don’t know what he meant by what he said, ask him..?

anita

Dear Connie:

You are welcome. I hope you do become proactive in professional and personal settings.

“I guess I just wanted to show my respect by not coming off too aggressive or nosy?”-

It is respectful to show interest in what another person thinks and feels, what he/she values, what motivate him or her, etc. It is disrespectful to not ask questions in a friendship or a relationship. When you ask no questions, you communicate to the person that his thoughts and feelings don’t matter to you, that he is therefore not an important person.

There are ways to ask questions that are not respectful, but don’t ask questions in those ways (ex., in a loud tone of voice, an accusing tone of voice, or wording the question in such a way that there is an accusation in the question), make the questions simple and honest and that will be respectful.

And there are questions that shouldn’t be asked, of course, too private and it is disrespectful to ask those questions, for example, it is disrespectful to ask a person about his bathroom habits.

Otherwise, do ask.

anita

Connie,

I don’t understand why you want to continue to keep in contact with him.  Where do you think this going if you do?
Mark