My story is quite long please read it please…i really need some help. I feel like I can’t breath. I know I seems stupid and silly because somehow I believe cyber things more than reality. I know it;s not good but i just can’t get over it. (sorry Im an international student and my english sucks…please ask me if you feel confused)

I am in my senior year of high school right now. 2013 has been my worst year so far. From the beginning to the end, my life has been fulled with bad things.
In January, my boyfriend broke up with me. Recalling that period of time, now I am felling not so tough already, I think I got over it. It took me 4 months to recover.
In April, when I was wishing to spend more time with my friends and my homestay family (I am an international student) instead of missing my ex boyfriend, I was told that I had to move out by the end of June because my homestay family was gonna retired soon and planning to travel around. They wouldn’t be home often anymore. I was quite frustrated, I started studying like crazy in order to forget all the sadness. It worked actually. But at the end of June, my misery started again. I could not stop crying at night cuz I love my homestay family so much. Thay are the nicest people I have ever met in my life.

So then summer started. Life goes on. I took summer school and slowly got over it by studying crazily again. Before new semester started I went back to my home country for 20 days, spent some time with my family.

September, FINALLY, IT SEEMS HAPPINESS HAD COME TO ME.
At the beginning of September, I was depressed as usual because I actually performed quite well in terms of academics in grade 11. I worried too much about my grade 12 cuz I thought it would be so bad I was afraid of falling behind. I didn’t do my homework, everything seemed difficult for me. I skipped school just for not taking tests. And then someone came into my life, his name is J. I have never meet J in real, he added me back in May but I did not notice cuz I don’t usually add people I don’t know. As I said in summer I went back to my home country, and before that I checked my facebook and thought…whatever just add these people who are pending for friend requests on my facebook. So I added him but not until the middle of September J and I have the first conversation.

J is really nice and humor, and also really motivational. After I told him my problems, he encouraged me a lot and told me his story too. And then one day he suddenly ask me to be his sister because he is the only child in his family and he wanted a younger sister so bad. I was so happy too and said yes. Thereafter, we told a lot…a lot…he started pushing me to study hard because he is an engineer and he knows the importance of studying. No one motivated me like that before, not even my parents. My parents always trust me can do well and never worry about my studies. That’s why I felt so guilty when I skipped school. Under J’s engorgement, my academics back in track, THE SECRET I NEVER HAD AND WON’T HAVE A CHANCE TO TELL HIM IS THAT I WANT TO BE AN ENGINEER LIKE HIM. I admire him everything, and I have to claim that the friendship between J and I had no extension whatsoever. J and I are not like those online relationship or sending nuked pictures, NO!! No such thing. It’s a quite pure relationship between brother and sister. Sometime we augured over some little stupids things and he always come back to me after a day or two. what;s more, he then decided to talk to me only on weekend because he didn’t want me to divert from my studies. WHAT A GOOD BROTHER!!

So J and I maintained this good conversation for 3 months. At the end of December, he deleted his facebook. and before he did that, he said good bye to me. I was astonished and could not stop crying. WHY?? WHY LEAVE ME?
He deleted it regardless my confusion. I never feel that sad in my life. I really treat him as my brother and I believe he did too!! It was like a family member is leaving.
3 days later I asked my friend to show me the message J sent to her before he deleted the account, (cuz J added my friend before I responded his request on FB, but i know they did not talk as much as J and I did). I found out that J started that he is fake!! The account is a fake account!!
I actually did not have a big shock cuz thess kind of thing always happen on FB. BUT IM SAD BECAUSE HE NEVER TELL ME. INSTEAD, HE TOLD ME FRIEND!

Actually, 2 weeks before J decided to delected his account, I talked to my another friend on facebook, lets call him P. cuz I noticed that J and P have couple of mutual friends .but how come??? they are lie living in different world! for some reason I forgot why I did not ask him about that,,, i just simply said hello to him and asking him how are you doing something like that. I DID NOT ASK HIM ANYTHING ABOUT J.

I used the pictures J sent me before to do google image search, i found out it is actually a model’s picture. and according to my the message stating J is fake my friend showed me, and plus the mutual friends between P and J. it seemed i have got answer. I immediately asked P if he is J. He admitted and act really mean to me. I mean…suddenly i could not accept the fate that they are the same person!! even before I meet J, I had good conversation with P too (i never meet P in real as well, but the rest of my fb friends are basiaccly from my school). P is changed!!!! He was acting really mean to me and I was so upset. I told him that i was motivated by J, i am gonna be an engineer like J, he p was like “who cares, go talk to J not me!!” and then I asked P some questions about J and he could answer all those questions…my heart was crashed. and then p blocked me on facebook.

2 weeks later,,,i surprisingly found out that J is online again. (cuz there are 14 days for deactivation before an account be permanently deleted ) and i talked to him like P is never exist. J asked me to be normal and said he came back just for his sister. He said he had to deleted the account and he would add me in P’s account. so he did. I could not even be angry with him cuz i love him like loving my bro,,,even though i know he is fake and he lied to me i still talked to him happily because i lied to myself too… i pretended nothing happened before.

and me and P talked for a week…2 days ago…he suddenly blocked me. YES AGAIN. I JUST CAN NOT UNDERSTAND WHY. WE HAD GOOD CONVERSATION BEFORE AND I DID TRY AVOID TALKING ABOUT J…WHY ?? I AM SO FRUSTRATED…I HAVE FORGIVE P FOR LYING TO ME BUT WHY HE STILL DO NOT WANNA TALK TO ME? HE DID NOT EVEN TELL HE IS GOING TO BLOCK ME BEFORE HE DID. AND TODAY I RE READ EVERY SINGLE MESSAGE AND I CANNOT FIND A CLUE. I MEAN SERIOUSLY WE HAD GOOD CONVERSATION BEFORE HE BLOCKED ME…WHY???!!!

J is an important person for me…he taught me many things…AND THEY ARE ALL POSITIVE!!! IF P IS A BAD PERSON THEN WHY HE TAUGHT ME THOSE POSITIVE THINGS IN J’S ACCOUNT?? I DONT UNDERSTAND!!! HE HAS CHANGED MY LIFE. I AM GONNA BE AN ENGINEER WHAT SO EVER BUT…I CAN NOT GET OVER IT…
I HAVE NEVER FEEL THAT MUCH OF HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE WHEN I WAS MOTIVATED BY J…

2013 is going to end..i dont know how to move forward?? i really want J or P to come back to me just like brother and sister…or even a normal friend.