Sometimes I read about the relationships that other people have, the desire that a man has when he talks about the woman he loves and I feel this emptiness inside. I don’t always feel that way, sometimes I distract myself with princess movies and romantic comedies or more recently new years resolutions. I think if I become this amazing person with a great career, that like Cinderella, the exact Prince Charming Ive been looking for will find me. That by the law of attraction I can create this new world. But sometimes I wonder if Im just in denial. I have to feel like I have this goal in front of me and that if I complete this goal that Ill be rewarded or that it will be worth it. And I can’t let any acquaintances know exactly how bad it is inside. Ive done that before and either made myself a burden or realized that its just not worth it to talk about anything except for career goals and universal issues. I’ve done a decent job in the last month or so creating scenarios in my head where everything works out. I cant help thinking if Im wrong and years down the line that it doesn’t happen and Im being approached by men I dont like, situations that I should be grateful for but cant appreciate because Im holding out for someone. Maybe Im afraid to take all these steps put myself out their to realize that Ive just been lying to myself. I tihnk about ending things before they;ve had a chance to get that far. Ten years down the line, will I be a pathtic old maid waiting for a man whose already had his wife and kids holding on to something that Ive made up but the world hasnt conformed to? I dont want to live a life like that and I dont want to live a life getting married to some “good catch” when all I can think about is one person. Ive been in this environment where Im sheltered, not always in a good way but Im able to distract myself long enough, Im able to have enough comedic relief to not think about from the perspective that I once did. But I know that this sheltered environment wont last forever and Im afraid of what Ill do when Im alone long enough and think about the possibility that he may never appear.