Dear sublimechange:

You have a strong Inner Critic, an abusive Inner Critic who gives you a hard time, rains on your parade. “You shouldn’t…”You are wrong to think this, feel this, want this..

When a person outside of you suggests you shouldn’t or that you are wrong to think/feel/want etc., that person triggers your own abusive Inner Critic, activates it and the Inner Critic continues the job started by the ex, cashier.

We all need an Inner Critic, one to tell us to wait our turn in line, to follow traffic laws etc. The inner critic takes after our parent/s. If the parent was gentle and loving in guiding us how to behave socially, then our inner critic would be gentle and loving with us as well. But if the parent was overly critical, punishing, impatient, etc. then our inner critic would be as well.

Does this make sense to you?

anita

Dear sublimechange:

There are some articles online that may be good, such as, maybe “shrinking the toxic inner critic” – I think the wording is, by a Pete Walker, on his website.

To shrink the abusive/ toxic inner critic, first need to pay attention to it when it is .. talking to you, detect it: oh, here it is! Here is what it is saying… Then re-talk to yourself, the CBT thing- evaluate what the critic is saying for accuracy, and correct your thinking, make it accurate. Basically you replace the abusive inner critic with a new, loving and gentle inner critic.

You… kind of get a new Parent installed in your brain…Takes time, dedication, persistence and a whole lot of patience.

Post again.

anita

Dear sublimechange:

You are welcome. Incorporating the Inner Critic into your CBT work makes a lot of sense. Hope you post again.

anita