I did something 4 years ago that still affects me today

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 2 months ago by Jodi.

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January 9, 2015 at 12:04 am #70940

davidgoliat
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4 years ago, back in 2011, I fell in love with M. But I didnt tell my friends, because this girl was so special everyone just thought she was weird, and I wasn’t man enough to make a stand for her. So I was admiring her secretly, she didnt even have a clue. When winter came, same year, we went on a schooltrip. Cabin in the wood. It was great fun, and my whole class was there, including M.

Me and M. connected so good, even though we drank alot. Then I kissed her, and we went to a room, just the two of us. And everyone knew, I didnt care. But we didnt do it, we just talked.

The day after, all the guys was asking me if we did it. I thought: “this is an opportunity for me to prove that im worthy among the guys, that im cool” so I lied straight to their faces, and told them me and M. did it. I also told them to never mention it to her, but the thought of her finding it out haunted me.

But eventually they did ask her if it was true, she refused. She and the guys also confronted me, and my world crumbled. Even though I apologized, the guillt of lying and the regrets literally destroyed my self-esteem. Since that experience, I have not made love to a woman, and never felt the same connection I did with M. The feelings of regrets and guillt still haunts me today.

Is it possible to be cursed because of a bad action, long time ago? Why is it impossible to let it go?

January 9, 2015 at 3:51 am #70942

Maggie Black
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You sound like you are hurting a good deal over this. For this I am sorry.
You are not cursed and it is not possible to be over a bad (wrong) action and it is NOT impossible to let it go.
You are holding onto this for a reason. Sometimes when we do things that we know are wrong we like to punish ourselves a bit before we get to the matter of realizing we aren’t perfect and need to work on letting it go.

You hurt because you really like this girl and wish you had not gone against your better judgment and tried to impress the guys.
You knew it was wrong but did it anyway and this is the shame and guilt you are feeling.
You weren’t true to yourself and what you know is right.

We all mess up, fall short, get driven by things and we all feel this sorrow that you are feeling.

First of all:
Do not repeat to yourself that it is IMPOSSIBLE to let this go!
You are empowering the negative by doing this.

As a man thinks so is he.

Began thinking along other lines such as that you are human, made a mistake, see the wrong and want to improve and not do it again.

You have learned a valuable lesson early on that will help you immensely for the rest of your life.

The lesson is:

Be true to yourself!
Forgive yourself!
Learn from your mistakes and move on!

Part of our holding on is because we think if we had done things differently we would have had different results or outcomes.
Maybe so.
We don’t know.
But we do know that holding on to the past is destroying any chance of future happiness.

Ask God to lead you and guide you. Ask for wisdom. ” Seek and you shall find ”
Resolve to be in peace with yourself.

I wish you well!

January 14, 2015 at 11:16 am #71314

Todzilla
Participant

You did this because of deep insecurities and wanting others to think highly of you. In the process, you hurt someone else and inadvertently revealed your peer group of the time to be shallow people.

I would suggest the first thing to do is to really look deeply at your motives and what’s behind them. Why did you want their approval? What feelings about yourself were you searching for that prompted you to lie at the expense of another? Ultimately, this will help you understand yourself on a deep level, which will let you forgive yourself. Once you have found this peace, I would reach out again to this person you wronged, let her know the work you’ve done to understand yourself and let her know how remorseful you are about it, should she forgive you or not.

Don’t ever forget that you’re human, and we all succumb to temptations we later regret. You need to cut yourself some slack and forgive yourself. Learn from this and strive to be honest with yourself and others.

January 15, 2015 at 4:38 am #71373

Anonymous
Inactive

Its time to move on and not repeat our follies – its been 4 years. We all have regrets, do stupid hurtful things but the big question is, do we learn from our mistakes and grow as people or let them only decide who we are? We are not a summation of our mistakes, we are only human and its time you let it go. Consider watching “Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring Again”

January 18, 2015 at 1:25 pm #71539

Jodi
Participant

In order to move past this, you have to forgive yourself. You made a youthful decision t be dishonest and it hurt someone you love. We’ve all been there, but it doesn’t have to figure into the rest of your life. You learned a valuable lesson about how your actions can effect others, take that lesson and that knowledge and put it into practice in a new relationship. That way, the situation is not in vain, but can actually be used to better yourself and the world.
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