Home→Forums→Relationships→I did hurt my husband..
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Samer.
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April 9, 2020 at 2:57 pm #348482
Anonymous
GuestDear isabelle:
It was a pleasurable moment of victory for you: “ouch your ballerina got you badly this time, where is the tough soldier now?”, but for him, it turns out to be a long-term displeasure.
It may be that this comment you made, in addition to your superior performance during the practice, activated a feeling of inferiority that he had from before, and added to his pandemic related distress.
If I was you, I would apologize to him, sincerely and in a serious tone, for the comment you made and for expressing pleasure about his defeat. Tell him that you forgot that you and him are a Team, and that when you hurt him, you hurt the team. And that you will not repeat that behavior again.
What do you think?
anita
April 10, 2020 at 7:06 am #348588isabelle
ParticipantHello Anita and thanks for your answer,
To be honest I have been surprised by his reaction. I thought he would be proud of me…
Today as the Last days he was saying nothing liké Hé was Sad for no reason (3 days now!) so I asked him again to tell me what happen and if it’s Cause of judo.. Hé answer no, everything is good. And even for judo He wants à rematch He was not in good Shape the last time bla bla bla… I Said no it goes to far anyway who care who win? Hé insist and even propose à bet thé looser do the housework part of other during all the rest of the confinment. I was a bit mad I confess he tried to make me do his part because I do almost all the chores alone since the beggining of our relationship…
Because I dont want to stay in that glacial atmosphère I finally Saïd yes… And we had à normal rest of day… And so we’ll do our “rematch” today
April 10, 2020 at 9:47 am #348616Anonymous
GuestDear isabelle:
If it is you in that photo, you are beautiful and in great shape indeed!
Maybe he wasn’t that upset about losing and about your comment, or maybe he was upset but got over it. In any case, he should do the household chores for the next few months so to balance the fact that you’ve been the one doing “almost all the chores alone since the beginning” of your relationship.
Regarding the match that you will be having today- is it in any way dangerous? You definitely don’t want to injure him, or get injured (twisting an ankle or whatnot) during this pandemic, needing medical care, or a hospitalization!
If it is safe and you will be doing this rematch today, have no mercy on him, but don’t repeat the ballerina vs soldier comment, find some other victory comment or declaration, something that cannot be reasonably interpreted as offensive. I hope to read about it later!
anita
April 10, 2020 at 12:29 pm #348660isabelle
ParticipantDear Anita:
Oh thank you! 🙂
You are so right to warn us about the injury risk, on that period it would be really bad in many aspect! As any activity there is always an injury risk but if you play safe and slow, with a good warm up, there is no reason that anybody get hurt.
So, for the match, as before we set the mat and have a good warn up, then make couple of exercices and quickly he proposed me to do it. The atmosphere is a bit strange like it s something serious…
It start and he show that he was serious putting a lot of intensity. We hang each other kimono, turn aorund each others. He tried to throw me I landed of my feet 4 times but the 5th he managed to do it and we fall together. He tried to pin me down but I blocked him with my legs. I struggle it was tough because he outweight me so much but i have powerfull legs. Finally I managed to hold his both sleeves and so I raised up my legs and catch his head with its, he direclty surrender. I congratz him, saying i ve been lucky and help him to get up. It was a great round but I ve seen in his eyes he was disappointed…
We prepare for round 2. He got the same intensity trying to throw me but he started to be tired, he mades a mistake so i counter him and he fall on the ground. I go his back so i put him in a hold and make him tap out…
I don’t brag or dance or tease him like the first time. We go for the third one. He seems really tired already… I catch his sleeve really quickly and crotch his leg. Then I lie on him blocking his legs with my feet. He struggle but I manage to catch his both wrist with my hands and I pinned him he can’t move and I count to 5…and win…
He was exhasuted he has lot of sweat on the forehead (maybe time to quit smoking…)and was out of breath. I was sitting astride him and because i knew he cant go (last time if i tried to talk him je just leave the room..) I asked him if we were done he said yes. I said so no silence during days. He said no and was a bit mad I didn’t let him go so I did tease him a bit to make it laugh and showing it s no big deal.. “It s ok to have a kick ass wife there is biggest problem in my life!!”
I finally got a smile from him. He said I didn’t understand . He has neevr been mad at me but mad at him. He was disappointed by himself because of lack of exercices and cigaret…when he was younger he was far better…. we talked seriously about men, women and the image the society give us… I did understand more about him… He want to train to be like how he was before and stop smoking. I told him I help him and together we ll be better person… then I kiss him and let him go…
For now I haven’t ask him about the housework
April 10, 2020 at 1:09 pm #348666Anonymous
GuestDear isabelle:
What a delightful account of the match today- I enjoyed reading it, thank you, and congratulations for yet another great win (and with a proper teasing)!
Your husband should be proud of his “kick ass wife”; it is not that he was beaten by an average woman, he was beaten by a strong and skillful woman who would beat lots and lots of men, if given the opportunity.
He is probably too tired to do housework now. Maybe later, as an expression of his appreciation of having the fortune of having you as his wife!
anita
April 14, 2020 at 3:07 am #349382isabelle
ParticipantHello!
So after his loose, my husband asked me to train him to become the man he was so, the day after the match we started the training and I did give him hard time :p . We jog for 1 hour, then we make some fitness exercices to finish with some flexibility things.
For the housework, at first I was not sure to ask him anything because I know his ego is still bruised and because he didn’t dare making anything macho anymore. But after the first training, as usual, he put out his clothes and let it in the middle of nowhere with his stuff. He probably expect me to, as usual, do it for him. I was pissed off so I asked him gently 2 times that this afternoon he’ll make my chores, the 2 times he ignored me, ok… So I did wait he finished his shower and enter in the bathroom. The room is small he can’t escape. I told him firmly that during 4 years we are married I do for you almost everyday vacuum, mop, cleaning dust on furniture, cleaning the 2 bathroom with the toilets, cleaning the kitchen, cook, buy food online, washing dishes and do the laundry. You never helped me even if you just have to wash the 2cars 1 time per month, fill up the gaz (so nothing during quarantine) 1 time per week and deal with the garbages. I remind him that he dares challenged me and make a bet hoping I’ll do his “part” too. I remind him that I did beat him fair and square!(I didn’t mention he is a soldier while im a ballerina ^^) so now it’s time to pay for the inappropriate behaviour and as punishment he’ll do all my part alone until the end of the year!
He did sulk a bit but made it, in the same time I didnt let him the choice… I realised with his weird questions that it was the first time he use a mop :p :p (dont laugh :p) i did show him and “teach” him how to use each or each product, that was cute :p . To be honest, he doesnt do it greatly I had to check and make him correct when it’s not done well but he does his best.
Now, no need to lie I enjoy a lot my free time :p . For the first time since we are married I did read a book! I took a bath during 1 hour and I finally start to use all the cosmetics I had from the beauty boxes :p I plan to start to learn programing and building a website, I now have time and this is soooo good.
Today, after the train part and his housework session, he told me that it’s unfair, until the end of the year is too long and not what was planned. He told me that when the confinment ll end with the training he’ll be in great shape and he’ll be able to take me down in any kind of sport. I smile.. He proposed me that when the confinment ll be finished we make another match and if he win anybody take again his part.
April 14, 2020 at 8:53 am #349424Anonymous
GuestDear isabelle:
I feel privileged to read your posts- intelligent, funny, entertaining, a breath of fresh air for me, much appreciated during this pandemic/ lockdown time!
Not that I expect you to post here so to entertain me, and you are welcome to post no matter how you feel. But I appreciate smiling for the first time today, thank you!
I think that in the future, instead of freeing him completely from doing household chores, see to it that he does, let’s say, 30 minutes of household work every day, five or six days per week. By then, he should be in the habit of doing household chores and he should get better at it, so it will be easier for him to make this part of his life, doing household chores, that is.
Looking forward to you posting again, anytime you want to!
anita
April 14, 2020 at 11:42 am #349444will
ParticipantI enjoyed your post. Maybe his ego was hurt. You can’t fix his ego, he must. I would suggest making the matches fun and light. No compliment to you? WE build our relationships when we build up each other…
April 14, 2020 at 12:43 pm #349514isabelle
ParticipantHello thank you 😉
@anita To be honest, I don’t have the project to free him of doing housework anymore. I have few busness project in my mind that will take me a lot of time. HIs video games can wait! For now, he’ll do it until the end of the quarantine (1 month) and stop if he win on judo, continu if he loose. Ow fun fact when he told me that after his training he’ll be able to take me down in any sport and I smile he ask me if i want to try taekwondo or kick boxing with him. I explain him as a ex ballerina kicking high was a daily routine for me and i did show him few ballerinas moves, finally he prefer judo ^^
@will well, he said I was “athletic”. From him i take that as a compliment..April 14, 2020 at 2:08 pm #349532Anonymous
GuestDear isabelle:
A third photo- WOW! You are amazing!!!
I think that his computer games should wait and his optimism regarding taking you down is .. cute. From what you described and from your photos, I doubt it.
anita
April 14, 2020 at 2:09 pm #349534Anonymous
Guest* didn’t reflect under Topics
April 15, 2020 at 5:20 pm #349742isabelle
ParticipantHello Anita,
I am confident but I prefer to not be too confident. He seems determined and for him the stakes are high 😉
What did you mean “* didn’t reflect under Topics”?
April 15, 2020 at 5:48 pm #349746Anonymous
GuestDear isabelle:
A new photo, what a treat! You are beautiful indeed and very talented, a pleasure to see and to read from you.
“didn’t reflect under topics”- when a member submits a post, the member’s name is supposed to show on the list of Topics, to the right of the title of the thread, but after I submitted to you the “third photo- WOW!” post, my name didn’t appear on the Topics page. It was still your name to the right your title. This means that if you look at the Topic page, it appears that you were the last to post and that I didn’t reply to you. To let it show that I did reply, I added the didn’t-reflect post.
I do it in every thread when I notice it happened. At times I don’t notice and members don’t post again because they think I didn’t reply.
“the stakes are high”- household chores, I understand. I am not crazy about household chores myself, but someone has to do them and a ballerina should not do all the chores!!!
anita
April 22, 2020 at 12:32 pm #351108isabelle
ParticipantHello!
Just a little update because we finally have a date for the end of the confinment and it’ll be the 11th may. So, normally we’ll do our third match a bit before that. I thought hubby would be pretty exiting about it but he didn’t seems to be…but it still want to do it.
I continu to train him 2 hours per day and I have to admit that he has made progress! I do also my yoga on the afternoon and enjoy my new free time. I catch him spy me during my practice two times ^^ . I feel that I am in the best shape of my life but in the same time he did train hard. I did drasticly reduce his smoke. I take his cigarets and he has to ask me to give it when he want to smoke. I always give him but just by that he did reduce it by twice per day!
My practice today 😉
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1mF0C5cuyhtjL1y7IRr__xYV-9gR-N31D
For the chores, he did improve a lot! Im proud of him, it’s not perfect but far better. Hope he’ll do it until the end of the year 🙂 But for the paper administrative work, it’s just not possible. I dont know why maybe brain’s men is just not calibre for that so I do it myself, even his stuff…
So that’s it! In few week we’ll know who will do the chores alone for the next 7 month 🙂
April 30, 2020 at 12:49 pm #352320isabelle
ParticipantHello !
A little update just to tell that we fix our re re match for the saturday 9th may and so we’ll know who will do the chores for the rest of the year. Hubby decided to train alone exept for the morning jog. It’s ok it let me more time for my yoga and my others stuff. 🙂 I want to get that free time so I will try my best to keep him “punished”
I feel strong and in good shape so I am still confident. Hubby seems nervous. I know he hates doing chores so it’ll be intense for sure :p.
I did tease him a bit telling him to be prepared because this time I won’t have any mercy for him and that he can always surrender now and do the chores if he prefer :p . He smiled but said nothing than “let’s see”. I want him to stay motivate and in a positive attitude. I’m already proud of his progress in fitness, for the chores and for his general attitude 🙂 He is now a lot more gentle and he cares more of what I do or feel.
Today practice 🙂
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1gwmJA_3fKHrveqqQJBiEOAIk1cdbg7zI
Wish me good luck 😉
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