Dear Marsh:

I am thinking you gave her power over your life, let her decide when the relationship was On and when it was Off and what kind of a relationship it would be, and what she wanted changed over time, was unpredictable, unreliable and so you were not in control and no one reliable was in control. You were like a ship in the mercy of the winds, blowing you this way and that way.

I think to “get out of (this) emotional hole”- you need to take control over your life, take the steering wheel of the ship in your own hands. And do it every day in little things. No way is too small for you to practice steering, making your way, your own choices according to your preferences, needs, values.

To make the most of life, take the steering wheel, make things happen your way.

anita

Dear Marsh:

Regarding how to take the hold of the steering wheel: in the smallest things but you have to notice those small things, these small opportunities before you steer the wheel. Notice the nature of your interactions with the people in your life: family, acquaintances, strangers and instead of being passive and going with what others want, figure out what you want (in every interaction) and assert yourself. Learn the skill of Assertiveness. And practice it every day.

Regarding the woman, missing her- that is the natural force of attachment. You got attached to her, not unlike a boy being attached to a parent. It is attachment, feels quite powerful. But just as a boy is attached to a bad parent, a man can be attached to a bad (for you) girlfriend/ ex girlfriend.

See it as Attachment. She is still unreliable and not good for you. Do the right thing for you regardless of this attachment. Block online, if it will help you, absolutely. Post again, anytime.

anita