firstly i just wanted to say i read most of what everyone posts, i do not respond because i feel i cant really offer an good advice, i figure if im on here for various reasons, in what way could i possibly help. but i do read and i feel for a lot of you there, we are all going through something.

im going to try and keep it short. so finally i decided to end my relationship of 4 years. this girl i met when i was 16,instantly fell in love, she moved away and returned 4 years later, which was 4 years ago. basically i wanted and pursued her and after some time got her. but the first half of the relationship was rocky. we loved each other so much,but we just couldn’t get along,ended up having a big breakup..this is where we had time to ourselves, time to think and we learnt alot, we ended up coming back together and it was great..but then i found out she had slept with other people. so basically the next 2 years I’ve been kind of cold, i just couldn’t look at her the same, i still loved her but something happened inside of me.

i did tell her all of this and she said she wouldn’t give up on me and wanted to see how it went, so for the most part its been good. until the start of this year when she moved away, i was supposed to meet her..before i was supposed to leave she had a freak out and called me saying she didn’t know if she was ready or how she felt and that we grew apart..it was kind of annoying because i was left stuck and confused, but i accepted it and stopped talking to her..to be fair she did have a lot on her plate. so i started doing my own thing and then again she comes back saying she misses me and that she really does want it, so again i agreed..but surprise, i was even colder then before.we spoke about it and i decided to try and open up and give her what she needs..so then 3 months later again it happens, forgets to call and reply, always busy etc. so i called to talk about it and she just said she forgets what its like to be with me and we drifted apart, she is not in it 100%..so i was annoyed and angry so i broke it off right there on the spot

not long after she said she wants to be friends and does’t want to lose me.not saying anything about the relationship though. i obviously cant help but feel like ive wasted more time and been stuffed around again.it feels like she wanted this but was scared to let go? i dont think i can be friends either.am i weak for not letting go long go?

i feel ok about it ending, just miss her a little and its hard to think thats it, but not just that, im still lost in life at the moment, i dont know what im doing or want to do. im not sad or depressed..but i dont think im happy either?

wanted some advice on what you have done to get out of an emotional hole? to love yourself again and really make the most of life.

thanks legends!