Well Nicci where do I begin? Often times when something isnt working for us, its best to start looking inside to understand what it is that we are doing wrong to not get the results that we want to see in life. It takes two to tango and it is by no accident your relationship is the way it is. The current dynamic in your relationship was created by the both of you through your beliefs and actions which obviously controls the way you both interact with each other. That means you need to take responsibility for the role you’ve played in creating the current dynamic in your relationship
Sounds like you suffer from lack of acceptance. That means your suffering is self inflicted. Instead of accepting people and situations for the way it is, you’ve added your own twist to the story. You also suffer from something we refer to as nice girl/guy syndrome. Which basically means you’re nice to people because you expect something in return. Silent contracts you make with yourself are called covert contracts. It is when you do XYZ for someone because you expect ABC from that person. These are not healthy and of course the other person has no clue about these contracts so when they fail to live up to your expectations you start resenting them
Second point, is your victim mentality. You seem to think life is unfair and you’ve been dealt a bad hand in life. When reality that is not the truth. You have total power over how you react to all situations. Responding to life situations instead of reacting gives us power to chose. The power of choice allows us the ability to experience life the way we want to, instead of feeling like we’re spiraling out of control.
I know I sound like a total asshole but I dont think I should sugar coat this for you. It’s a tough wake up call but you’re fed up with how things are now means deep down you know what you’re doing is wrong. I would apologize to this guy if I were you. Sounds like he genuinely cares about you.
Acceptance is a tough pill to swallow but once you break through your limiting beliefs you will be able to have the relationship you want. It takes a lot of patience and a lot of work
Good luck!

• This reply was modified 11 years, 6 months ago by tinybuddha.
• This reply was modified 11 years, 6 months ago by tinybuddha.

Hi NicciK-I can totally understand how you feel the way that you do. Sometimes people don’t realize that it’s hurting another person. I think that if you spoke to him and said how it makes you feel and not pointing out what he does wrong that it might help. Communication can be a hard thing for some people. Good luck 🙂

I think you need to contemplate on your “needs”.
Most of the time, these needs are concepts and beliefs we have accumulated over the years from various kinds of romantic comedies, people’s advice from their own perspectives and sometimes our past relationships.
If you see into the illusion of what you claim to be are your “needs”, relationships will become easier for you as you will start to expect less and thus, hurt less.
Find you before you find love. In the realest sense. Not just what you like to eat, wear etc.
BUT WHO YOU ARE

I found Mooji’s advice valuable,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uH7AxVnYFfM

Goodluck 🙂