Dear Jane:

Can you share more about what happened to have led to this unfortunate and distressing situation: how did it come about that you drank so much that you lost consciousness and how did it come about that you were in the presence of a male friend while being drunk?

What has transpired with that friend (is he a friend) since?

anita

I have been there too. But consciously. I know one thing: you should tell him everything. Like you, I was caught up in a whirl of guilt that was eating me alive. You begin to feel unworthy, and this will, in some way, appear in the relationship. To live hiding something is a nightmare. You should make it all clear and accept the consequences. I don’t say it like a judge in a trial, remember that you’re not really guilty of anything, I say it because it is the only thing that will bring peace to both of you. Can you imagine building a marriage over this? Is it fair to you or to him? Can you live like this? I imagine you can’t. If you’re feeling bad about yourself is because you understand you did something you think you shouldn’t. You think you shouldn’t have done that because that was inconsiderate to other human, that is empathy. You are a bright light in this world just for that. Don’t believe thoughts of guilt, guilt doesn’t help, it never helps. Acknowledging you had behavior that may have caused harm to others is still not a reason enough to feel guilt. Its only reason enough to commit to not having this behaviour again, that’s all. You only need to accept what happened, FORGIVE YOURSELF, look yourself in the eye in the mirror and believe you’re good, you’re a compassionate human and deserves love and caring from others and FROM YOURSELF. Stand with your head up, take in all, accept all, AND SHARE EVERYTHING WITH YOUR PARTNER. Even your fears and axieties, your most inner self.