I can't move on

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This topic has 7 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 9 months ago by sage.

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July 24, 2017 at 10:43 am #159934

Anonymous
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Dear sage:

You wrote that recently you were told that he is involved with another woman. Did he verify that and is your source reliable?

You also wrote that he treated you like trash: can you elaborate on that?

anita

July 24, 2017 at 12:16 pm #159944

sage
Participant

Yes I asked him myself if he was seeing someone else and he said yes. The entire time we were on the break he would vent and talk to me about all of his issues and hard things happening in his life and I listened and was there for him. But when I would tell him about my problems and self harm he said it didn’t mean anything and he’s had to deal with worse and my problems aren’t a big deal. I told him he was hurting me one day and all he said was “f**** you.” He repeatedly told me while on said break I needed to work out, even though I only weigh about 100 lbs. It was all so out of character of him he’s always been so loving and good to me.

I also don’t understand why he can be with somebody else right now but can’t bring himself to be with the woman he promises to marry someday?

It’s all so confusing and I need guidance and peace with what to do. Thank you so much.

July 25, 2017 at 3:28 am #159990
Connie
Participant
Hello Sage

Sometimes we love them too much to let go and overlook the importance of happiness. Do you think you are happy in this relationship/situation?

I just experienced a terrible breakup, and I realized the more I allowed it to linger the more painful it became. So eventually I had to let go because I wanted to pursue my own happiness and become a better person who knows how to love herself more.

Nobody can really tell you what his intentions are as I still do not have answers for my own breakup. We just need to look forward and have faith in finding peace for our wounded hearts. It’s a painful process but if you are determined to move forward, it will get better! You’re not alone, so don’t lose hopes.

Connie
- This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Connie.
July 25, 2017 at 4:50 am #159996

Anonymous
Guest

Dear sage:

Two months ago, you wrote, the two of you “vowed to stay together”, after a few weeks he broke up with you and he is currently involved with another woman. A vow is a serious promise. He broke his promise to you.

You wrote that “he swore on his life that he would be back and he still loves me and we’re getting married” – maybe his words should not be trusted. After all, it doesn’t take much time or effort to say things.

You wrote that you’ve been waiting so patiently for him, having been his best friend- maybe time to re-evaluate waiting for him, maybe it is not a good idea to wait for him.

When you were on a break he told you that your problems didn’t mean anything, not a big deal, including you self harming. This means that although you were a best friend to him, he was not a friend to you.

You wrote that “It’s all so confusing”- I am thinking that you don’t really know him, and that is why you are confused. First, do you know that he is not a man of his word? That you cannot trust what he says to you? Do you also know that he is not a true friend?

If I was you, I wouldn’t accommodate his travel plans to see you (if at all he made such or will, as his words are suspect to me).

I hope you post again with your thoughts and feelings.

anita

July 25, 2017 at 5:26 am #160012

Eliana
Participant

Hi Sage,

I don’t have much to add. I’m sorry you are going through this. I guess you just have to ask yourself even if you did marry him..things would not get better as he would still disrespect, belittle and not show concern for you. He would still be emotionally abusive and you would me miserable. Marriage won’t make him change, only he can do that. Chances are, if he is abusive to you, he is most likely abusive to the other woman.

July 25, 2017 at 5:38 am #160016

ACE
Participant

Hi Sage

I am going through a very similar situation at the moment; I have also reached out on here, you can read what I wrote under ‘Relationships – Do I fight or should he?’ I love my ex so much and despite recognising that he didn’t treat me right its so hard to let go of the good times and the good in him that I loved and still do. Where Connie wrote ‘Sometimes we love them too much to let go and overlook the importance of happiness. Do you think you are happy in this relationship/situation?’ This has really resonated with me because its true. I do love him so much and despite the fact I knew (especially towards the end) that he wasn’t making me happy I still even now want him back. He has hurt me so much. I haven’t contacted him since he moved out but I am close to breaking that. Maybe we can help each other through this. Hugs. ACE

July 25, 2017 at 10:45 am #160110

sage
Participant

Thank you all so much for your love and guidance and support. All of your words have helped me start to heal and move on and begin to find happiness again.

ACE, I’m with you! It hurts so bad doesn’t it? Something that really helped me today was I “spoiled myself.” I bought myself something for the first time in months (almost all my money went towards gifts for my ex) and took a bath and watched a movie and just tried as hard as possible to forget it. I put all of his clothes and gifts and pictures of him away and out of sight and it really helped and I highly recommend you do the same. Another thing is I’ve set a two week period and told myself in two weeks I can text him, but I think by that point I’ll almost be 100% healed. I’m an extremely self conscious person but today I really tried to be confident and tell myself things like “I bet his new chick can’t rock jeans like this!” I’ve also found peace in meditation and journaling.

Again this forum has really saved me from a lot of darkness and confusion and hurt, thank you all for your advice and insight it was all amazing.
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