Tami and Emile,
Thank you for your response. Yes I have ended the affair relationship…again, I think about him often, see him in people, have things I want to text him. But I don’t. Bottom line, and it probably would continue if he had reached out to me more. I can’t and won’t be the one to reach out to him anymore. I have and am going to re-commit to my marriage. I have spoken to him about his drinking, what I am doing to better myself (counseling) and that I hope he wants to better himself as well but if he doesn’t, I will not continue to have a relationship where I am not happy. And his drinking and lack of intimacy does not make me happy. It will be up to him to change but it is also up to me whether I will stay and remain unhappy. You are right, the secrets are a burden. The end of the affair was something I wasn’t allowed to grieve because it shouldn’t have happened. I was sad, he knew I was sad, and it wasn’t because of him. I am coming to terms and accepting that the affair would have never transpired to anything. It was sexual with the utmost empty feeling afterwards. It really didn’t fulfill me in any sense.

One of my favorite sayings, two things that can never be hidden, the sun and the truth. I do believe that and thank you all for your responses. Especially the men. I hope that I don’t continue to cheat. I don’t overburden with NEVER and PROMISE things that to myself and then beat myself up if I do them again. I will take it day by day, hour by hour. Get back to eat, shit, sleeping my husband. Hone in on him and only him and brush off the attention from others. I am a work in progress. I can only do better.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by Jessie A.