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I cant get over with someone. i want him back.

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • November 8, 2018 at 1:54 am #235941
    Shelbyville
    Participant

    Ivy,

    It sounds like you have fallen hard for this guy and had some amazing memories in Europe with him. It’s really really difficult when someone you love chooses to break up with you. I have the same experience myself not long ago. It’s torture in many ways, wanting to see them, speak to them, hold them.

    However, he has made his decision. Yes, he may care for you, but not enough to get over his difficulties in expressing himself. It’s impossible to see it right now, but maybe he did do the right thing for you. If he’s not able to sustain a long distance relationship, then it would cause more heartbreak down the line.

    If you return to see him, you may be able to get things back on track….but until when? When you leave again will the same issues not arise again?

    However, despite all the advice that you can get from people, you have to do what’s right for you. Believe me, Im missing my ex like crazy these days, so I know how difficult it is. But I just try and tell myself, that my ex has made his decision, I can’t control that and I have to accept it.

    I hope you feel okay soon whatever you plan to do and enjoy your travels.

    November 8, 2018 at 4:01 am #235943
    Ben
    Participant

    It sounds like it was intense. The problem with these intense travel ones is that they have to end in one sense, physically and “in reality”, but in others they continue. You still feel really intensely about him because you fell for him. For him maybe it was the same maybe it was different. Its where he lives after all, so its not so amazing as being part of a travel experience. When you got back this whole part of your life was packaged up and left as memory. For him, he was living his life and happened to meet you a little, so to him, you are not as distant. That is probably why he was not so expressive or feeling so in need of you. For you, you had this amazing trip, but its over now. You also met him and fear that he will disappear and fade as the memory of the trip does.

    That doesn’t have to happen. But, calm yourself as best you can. Let things settle a little bit. Im reading it and seeing that he probably got a little overwhelmed with the intensity of your feelings. Give him space. If he truly likes you, he’ll let you talk to him again. But dont do it now. Breathe, relax, talk to friends, do whatever you can to rebalance yourself. You got carried away is all. You want him alot but you had to come home, and thought maybe if he talked more you’d feel better. But I think you like him a lot so that no matter how much he talked with you or whatever he told you, you would still be wanting more from him. He could probably sense this and had to back off.

    If he ignores you after a few days/however long you take as a breather, then it wasnt meant to be. But, relax. You had an intense, but very short, experience and its time to process. You are the one crying and that is why he thinks its better to not talk because he thinks hes making you upset. Thats a legitimate reason! So, dont be upset! Easier said than done but its the real solution. Its not because youre a girl either, its because you had a big emotional experience with him. Use this space to calm yourself, relax. Try to focus back on your life. When you feel a bit better, talk to him again, that is what will help you feel better. If he really really does care you’ll be able to reconnect. If you are 90% wanting to fight for him again, dont hurt yourself by not doing it. Sometimes these travel romances go places, sometimes not, remember that. It might help you feel less intensely.

    November 8, 2018 at 9:26 am #236013
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ivy:

    I think it will be a mistake if you travel to Europe when you are broke for the purpose of talking to him in person, trying to change his mind.

    The magic of getting together with him, a lot of it was  the magic of your travel in Europe, and  him carrying you there when you were tired, and taking care of you in those special circumstances. The relationship did  not survive the after-trip circumstances.

    I don’t think you can re-create the  magic that  was. I think this magic was about the travel and  it did not survive the after-travel. I hope you recover from the emotional attachment   you formed and are able perhaps to enter a relationship where  you live, in Malaysia?

    anita

    November 8, 2018 at 8:25 pm #236095
    Ivy
    Participant

    Dear  Shelbyville, Ben, anita

    thank you so much for all the kind words.

    apparently, this is really hard for me and i know im not thinking straight or sane nowadays. if these things making me so weak maybe i am. i tried to talk to him again, saying i just booked a flight going to paris just to talk to him in person. from there, i will travel to where he will be located because he moves around europe for jobs. i was asking him if its possible to meet him on february just for 1 day for us to talk. im not even going to expect anything but just to hang with him and see in person. but he said “it doesnt matter where is, and he never replied” i know i made a stupid move again but this is what i can feel that will help me to move on to talk to him person and see him after. I desperately wanted to see him.

    before this, when the night he brokeup with me, i was very very devastated i lost my control so i took some pills just VitC supplements its funny because i cannot find anything on my desk to calm me down because my heart never stops crying. i wanted to stop crying. during that time, i was talking to his friend -i was telling him i took some pills but never told him it was all VitC supplements, ,maybe i made him think im taking pills to kill myself. but i will never do it. he told to Josh what was happening to me during that time. i think he exaggerated  more that i went to ER because i was overdozed of sleeping pills. which it wasnt sleeping pills after all. i wouldnt think ill be dead taking those vitC either.

    2 days after, Josh messaged me saying ” i think you misunderstood something. i did this because its better for you. you are suffering because of my personality no other reason. i dont want to talk to you because of a single reason. which i told you before dont do something stupid. you made an attempt to you life. that made me feel i made a mistake for ever talking to you. i wanted to talk to you until you let go but what you did is unforgivable. you think too little to your self”.  i couldnt say a word during that time, i made a wrong move again. i feel like ive never done something good to win him back. i was always selfish for not letting things passed. and i dont know how to deal with this selfishness. im having some troubles dealing with depression and i couldnt talk about it more so with friends. i just cant. he said he wanted to talk to me before i can let go but he never tried to talk to me. he has no idea of what im going through right now. maybe because he never felt the way i felt for him. ive never liked someone for the past 4 yrs so maybe this is the reason why im suffering like this. i got fully attached on him that the moment he cut all of our connections it became a burden to me. and this is why i cannot move on easily. i love him and i miss him. i booked that flight just to talk to him, but looks like he never wanted to see again. i dont understand why he cant give me another chance? to prove him i love him. and i dont undestand why am i soo affected like this?

     

    Broken Girl

     

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