I am so frustrated and confused...... :(

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This topic has 19 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 3 months ago by Crystal A Goodrich.

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August 31, 2016 at 7:32 pm #113858

Anonymous
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Dear Sue:

You had a bad day and it got better. Feelings change, they don’t stay the same. It is helpful to remember, when you feel bad, that it will not always be like that. And when you feel good, well, that will not last either.

You did guided meditation today and that helped a lot. Guided meditation then is a tool you use when you feel badly and need to feel better. Thing is, it is not necessarily going to work every time you try it. This tool should be only one in a box of tools. You use different tools at different times. If you don’t feel like meditation in any particular time, you can take a brisk walk instead for 30 minutes at least. A brisk walk, if it works for you once, is then another tool to place in your tool box. You gather more and more tools to use.

Regarding communicating with me on private email- why deprive all the good people benefiting from reading our communication? Well, maybe there is one person other than you and me reading these very words and glad to be reading them…

If going to AA scares you, well, you don’t have to. It may or may not be one of the tools in your tool box. If you attend a meeting, see if it works for you. If you don’t want to attend one, don’t.

You asked if I feel lonely and scared sometimes. I feel scared quite often: old fears from childhood automatically projected into people and situations in my present life. Lonely? Not really. For one, I am married. I don’t have much of a need for people as I used to.

Post anytime and take good care of yourself.

anita

September 3, 2016 at 7:29 am #114101

Sue
Participant

luvthatsun

Participant
Hi Anita,

Do you feel lonely and afraid at times? I am feeling very lonely these days. I feel like I won’t have anyone in my life and that scares truly scares me. I had a bad day today and could not get it together to go to work. I am feeling better now and managed to block my ex on social media (which I thought was good step). I did some guided meditation and that helped alot. I feel like I would like to keep in touch with you more privately (email or even facebook) but not sure how to do that on here….lol. Sounds like you have come a long way over the years and you should be proud of that. I will persist! I am trying to take things one day at a time.

I was asking about where you live thinking you could attend an AA meeting with me cause that really scares me but I will eventually muster the courage to do it! Thanks again for taking the time to write to me. It helps alot to know I’m not alone.

September 3, 2016 at 7:34 am #114102

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Sue:

How strange: your post a few moments ago is the same post of four days ago to which I already responded.

anita

September 3, 2016 at 7:49 am #114104

Sue
Participant

I am brand new here, too, and have a LOT to learn so please only take my words with a grain of salt, but I very much related to your story. I had a man in my life who for the life of me I STILL can’t understand why I was so drawn to. Intellectually I knew he was bad for me but I couldn’t stay away. This went on (like yours) for 10 years and I finally found the strength to break away and stay away. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t think about him constantly and still cry over him often for a very long time. If I could go back a few years and give myself some advice it would be to just “Accept” that I am always going to feel love for the man and that I may always miss him, but that that’s OK, as long as I didn’t act on those feelings. Those feelings may never go away but they do fade and life will go on.

Again, I’m brand new here, loving this forum, and hoping you find some comfort in knowing I can totally understand your situation.
Sue

September 4, 2016 at 1:50 pm #114228

Crystal A Goodrich
Participant

Dear Sue,
I have had some wonderful friends who have helped me through a few breakups. Support from your friends can be very helpful. Talking to them instead of contacting him, writing in a journal or writing “no send letters” (the ones you write to him and painfully honest but you never send) can be fantastically therapeutic. I only know of AA through friends and I know it can be the key to long term sobriety – keep that in mind and connect with positive, supportive people who keep you steady.

I have learned a few things about relationships I would like to share. Feeling “SAFE” can really mean you find a relationship “FAMILIAR”. What you found with this man sounds like a close replication of what you had in your family of origin. That was abusive and damaging so this relationship may be the same. We often join relationships that are familiar and unfortunately they are not happy ones.

When I was mourning the end of my very first love relationship a wise woman said to me “there is a big difference between love and attachment.” I have never forgotten her words. Is is love or attachment to a familiar pattern of living?

Make sure you care for yourself first. If you are healthy, making positive connections with friends and sober you will find life has a lot to offer you. Believe me I have been single for a long time so I am not saying with confidence “you will find your true love”, that sounds false when you are going through such pain, but I do know no relationship is much better than a relationship that makes you feeling “less than” the smart, wonderful, caring, beautiful soul you are.

Take care of yourself!
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