I am not okay right now

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This topic has 7 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 3 months ago by Maria Mango.

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January 24, 2017 at 9:37 am #126056

Anonymous
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Dear northstar76:

It is something to look into, why you didn’t have a relationship that lasted more than a year. Reads to me like you have no idea why that is and why the last boyfriend broke up with you.

If you’d like to look into it, let’s do it. It will take some time as we look here, look there until we find a possible answer. Here is a possible place to look: you wrote that in all the relationships you were dumped except for one.

That one relationship where you dumped the guy: why did you dump him/ what was that relationship like?

anita

January 24, 2017 at 1:51 pm #126077

North Star76
Participant

Hi Anita,

Thanks for responding. In that relationship, about nine months in, we had our first disagreement. He got upset at me and when we spoke about it, he just kept repeating over and over the thing I did that he considered to be bad. I apologized, and he’d just state it all over again. I felt like he was talking to a kid. He also refused to acknowledge any wrong doing on his part. He was incapable of saying sorry. I realized I couldn’t be with someone who was never going to be willing to admit when they were wrong.

January 24, 2017 at 7:56 pm #126095

Anonymous
Guest

Dear northstar76:

You are welcome. What was that thing that he considered to be bad, the thing he kept repeating?

anita

January 25, 2017 at 5:23 am #126107
ralph gauntlett
Participant
Is it, not what he kept repeating but more partners should respect each others opinions/views and if a situation occurs where it goes ballistic because she made an error then it shows there are issues within the relationship, humans are never perfect and sometimes a person may look for a way out of a relationship without feeling as if its there fault.
I feel for your heartache hun, but if it ended then it shows he lacked the understanding that everyone makes mistakes but its the way forward from the bad error you made that makes a relationship…hope that sounds ok, long time since i chatted..lol
- This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by ralph gauntlett.
January 25, 2017 at 5:14 pm #126148

North Star76
Participant

Hi Ralph and Anita,

The relationship you are referring to isn’t the one that has me sad. It is clear he wasn’t for me. If he can’t accept that people make mistakes and that there will be problems then I don’t want to live with someone like that.

Anita, what we argued about was an outfit. That’s what made him so angry. I felt I was overdressed for an occasion. Seriously…we argued about a skirt.

No Ralph, I feel deeply saddened by someone else, someone who I sincerely thought was the person for me. Who quite suddenly felt we didn’t have enough in common.

January 25, 2017 at 7:02 pm #126149

Anonymous
Guest

Dear North Star76:

My quest is still (with your cooperation, of course) to find out why, at 41, an obviously intelligent woman who has her own career, owns her own home, supports herself; a woman who always wanted a partnership, did not have a single relationship that lasted more than a year. And why you were dumped every time but one.

You wrote that the reason is not that you are “overly difficult, “clingy, or bossy or a nag,” and that you are “a good person “kind, thoughtful, not covered in boils.”

The one relationship where you dumped the guy: nine months, not a single argument, then an argument about the skirt you wore one time. And you wrote he didn’t admit her was ever wrong. yet no disagreement for nine months.

The last relationship, at 40, lasted five months and only a week and a half ago, unexpectedly, he ended your relationship. He said you didn’t have enough in common.

Maybe the clue as to why this failure of relationships is in your first line: “I’m not sure what to write, I have so many feelings and thoughts running through my head that they all tumble over one another”- is it possible that you simply didn’t share your thoughts and feelings with these men, that you were almost non-existent in the relationships and nothing much was going on there… and so there were no disagreements on one hand (for nine months in one relationship), and nothing in common on the other hand (following five months in the last relationship)?

anita

January 25, 2017 at 7:08 pm #126151

Maria Mango
Participant

Hi North Star76,

It is perfectly okay not to bounce back from this after only a week! This relationship obviously meant a great deal to you and it will probably take quite some time for you to work through all of the emotions it’s stirred up. I feel that you are deeply hurt by the way this man ended things with you but I also think (correct me if I’m wrong) that you may be more hurt because you opened up to someone finally and were shot down. It’s a horrible feeling I know, like getting the wind knocked out of you!

So you finally let down your wall and it didn’t go too well…this time.Funny thing about walls: even though they keep us safe, they keep us isolated as well. Once they are knocked down you’re free to go wherever you please. So after you’ve recovered from this hurt, where will you go? Will you spend time rebuilding the wall to keep yourself lonely and safe, or will you step over the bricks, take what you learned about being open and free with another human being and try again? There is no right answer, only what is right for you.

Please keep posting, sadness is so much easier to handle with some support! Good luck!

Cheers,

M
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