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I am in pain and struggling

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  • September 22, 2014 at 5:23 am #65347
    Howard C
    Participant

    Hi Marblewings & Singh
    It is so wonderful that in times of our own pains and sufferings that we can support each other, encourage each other and even (I really hope) can bring a smile in everyone’s hearts.
    I am going through a roller coaster ride myself, exactly as Marblewings described
    But I managed to go through all the storms now, all thanks to your support and Buddhas’ help
    Just like the name of this site, lets all be a “Buddha” (whether tiny or big) to everyone around us and let us polish that joy!

    Howard

    September 22, 2014 at 6:51 am #65349
    NiteOwl
    Participant

    Hi there,

    it really feels good to hear that there are someone who is also experiencing the pain that I’m going thru.

    My ex-bf is very obsessive in running, he can run in the morning, lunch time and after work. Unfortunately, he is my colleague too. We are fine the first 2-3 months, after that he text lesser and no longer that caring for me. Even when I propose to meet up for dinner or weekends to have a better understanding of each other, he is no longer interested. I just don’t understand what happen and he is reluctant to say. I initiated the breakup but I feel very very painful. I still try to care for him as a friend/colleague. He has a bad childhood and not on good terms as his family. I tried to help and even wrote a letter to him but no response from him. I guess I should follow the advice here to totally NO contact with him. I need to be happy with myself, my job and build up my confidence. I admit I went thru 1 month of depression and lost weight. I’m trying to stand up again. This is my first love and perhaps that is why I can’t forget it though months passed.

    October 27, 2014 at 11:21 pm #66903
    SIngh
    Participant

    Hey Howard,

    Its been a while man, how are you doing these days? Give us an update!

    October 28, 2014 at 1:50 pm #66939
    SIngh
    Participant

    Seriously? Amul, don’t go advertising that junk here, plus, your English is terrible. If you’re not here to post constructive thoughts then you should not be here. You website is horrible, stop wasting space on this site.

    October 29, 2014 at 3:32 am #66977
    Howard C
    Participant

    Hi Singh
    How are you my friend?
    Thanks very much for asking and for your concern
    This 1.5 months have been a rocky one for me, lots of pain, crying, fears, grief etc almost everyday. But thanks to my faith and practice as a Buddhist and positive friends around me, I am coping well.
    I am now learning to be happy even when I am alone. Taking each day at a time, not worry about what will happen in the future (and I do get anxious about the future). Trying to to do things that is positive. Example: I find that I can forget about my own problems and pain by making people around me happy (smiling at them, encouraging them, lending a helping hand etc) that makes me happy and peaceful. I cannot explain well here, but it works….
    I recently got in contact with my ex girlfriend. We are now meeting sometimes and trying to enjoy the time we spend (movie, nice dinner, taking walks, talking etc). I do not know what will happen (honestly I hope we can get back together), but trying not to worry about anything now and just enjoying and treasuring the time that I can be with her. Not giving her any pressure and just let things improve slowly (and trusting everything to the Buddha). Doing what I can to make her happy and make it a positive environment when we meet.
    How are things with you my friend? Let me know how it goes, I am praying for you

    Hi Amul
    Thanks for the information on your website. Hope it can bring encouragement to people

    Thanks
    Howard

    November 2, 2014 at 11:14 pm #67227
    SIngh
    Participant

    I’m doing well man, in fact, better than ever. My break up has brought me more focus and passion than I have ever had in my life. Both my parents and friends have told me how much better I seem now that I am single. I am focusing my time on finishing my school and training for the physical test in my city to become a police officer, even thinking about it gets me excited every day!

    I know that I would not have grown and trained enough to pursue this career had I still been in that old relationship so I am now seeing this break as a blessing.

    That is awesome that you are taking the time to serve others. Truly, it does more to serve you than it does to others, as you feel good about it and you feel enriched in the process, no need to explain it man, I know the feeling too, and its great 🙂 .

    I’m glad to hear that you are meeting with your ex, I am sure that you are doing feels best right now, but please take care and guard your heart man, its so easy to fall back into comfort. Continue to work on yourself and improve all aspects of your life, I’m glad that you’re doing well. When you become the best that you can be, you’ll find that the great things in the world come to you, as opposed as you chasing them!

    Great to hear from you,

    Singh

    March 29, 2015 at 11:33 pm #74640
    Howard C
    Participant

    Hi Singh,
    It have been a long time, how are you my friend?

    I am still struggling and hurting from my backup this past 6 months…

    Howard

    March 31, 2015 at 10:52 am #74723
    SIngh
    Participant

    Hey Howard,

    Yea long time man, I am doing well, a few weeks ago I had an interview for the job I really wanted but I ended up screwing it up be being way too honest and making myself look bad. I was extremely disappointed and felt like crap, I kinda still do but I know its a fleeting state so it will pass. I went on a volunteer trip to Nepal the weekend after and just got back home a few days ago, back to reality.

    I myself am in a bit of a rut, as most of my future plans for this year broke since I did not get that job, but I know that everything happens for a reason and I am still quite young for the position so I am doing my best to mature and grow in the mean time, and do the right things.

    It’s crazy how time has passed so fast isn’t it? What happened between now and your last post? You were seeing each other and hanging out a bit right?

    If that got worse and you two got hurt again, then I am sorry to hear that man. However, no matter what, I will still stick to what I believe about breakups and that is that you need to cut off the contact, for good until you are completely detached (which I am not, though we broke up in September, but I know it will come despite relapses in the way I think and how I sometimes Idolize the past on occasion).

    Let us know how you are doing right now, what is new with you?

    Always great to hear from you man

    Singh

    March 31, 2015 at 8:46 pm #74733
    Howard C
    Participant

    Hi Singh,
    Thanks very much for your reply. Happy to hear from you. I am sorry to hear about your job interview, but when I read your story, I remembered 2 true life experiences that I like to share with you
    1. Someone I knew could not get a job as an airline pilot at first and he have to work as a bus driver in the airport. On top of that, he have a family, financial commitments etc that make it hard for him to pursue his dream of becoming a pilot. He never gave up, work many jobs (one of them as an airport bus driver) At last he became an Airbus first officer, at the age of 41 or 43! (cannot remember) at his age, many people will tell him that he is too old for that, but he never gave up and his dream came true!

    2. Another person I knew, applied for a cadet pilot (trainee with no experience) for a major airline. Got rejected first time, disappointed off course, never gave up, after his “failed interview” he work hard for the next whole year to improve his knowledge and skills, study for his flight license (with his own money), the following year, he apply for the position again to the same company, and they remembered him (have records of him attending interview previous year), they asked him why he is applying again and he did the past year, he told them what he did to improve/better himself, that he always have passion for aviation. At last he got accepted due to his determination and passion.

    So Singh, if you really want the job, never give up, try again! Passion never dies. I am praying for you and hope to hear good news from you

    As for me, I am still hurting after this 7 months, trying to maintain No Contact as much as I can. We have the same circle of friends and go to same class, so sometimes have to contact. Try not to initiate contact from me as I need to give myself time to heal and also respect her wish for space. But when she do contact, replied kindly to her. that’s all
    No contact also gave me a chance to face and deal with the many traumas I had in the past and have helped me to be a person with more empathy for others.

    What I have realized all this time is that although the emotional attachments or relationships with someone we love might be over (even temporarily, we do not know the future), true and unconditional love never dies, even if for now we cannot meet and be with the person
    I will always love her, wish that she is happy, always praying for her. The memories never dies and the spiritual connections never dies.
    I now know what true and unconditional love is, despite the situation and whatever happens.

    I wished all the best for you Singh. Always praying for you that things will get better for you

    Howard

    April 2, 2015 at 9:24 am #74792
    D P
    Participant

    Howard, I am a female (47 with lots of dating experience and relationships), It appears to me your ex girlfriend has some self esteem problems and you cannot fix her. I am now going through depression (even though I have a decent marriage..most of the time and 2 kids). She may be suffering from depression or maybe some type of mood disorder and those can wreck havoc on your self esteem. I would not take her words personally as it probably has nothing to do with you. “Do not take it personally” needs to be tattooed to my inner arm..then I can look at it every day.
    I haven’t been what you have been through though. The only men I have pushed out of my life are those that I didn’t feel the same (when they loved me and I didn’t love them back) or my boyfriend that became too physical for my upbringing.
    As the others have said…Have No Contact with her.
    I can tell you that the guys that pursued me over and over…all I could feel is suffocation and it made me distance myself that much faster and farther.
    As the old saying goes “If you love them then set them free.” If she is meant to come back then she will…on her terms…But You Must Not Wait For Her.
    Best of luck and hugs to you!
    Deb

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by D P.
    April 3, 2015 at 2:00 am #74849
    Howard C
    Participant

    Hi Deb
    Thanks for your message.
    I will not initiate contact from me. I told her that my door(heart) is always open and she is always free to enter it when she wants and if she wants and on her terms.
    I only love her and have never feel anything bitter in my heart towards her. I love her and set her free, and always praying for her happiness.
    I do understand how you feel when you said that you are suffering from depression. Me too. I can empathize with you.
    In fact, I once attempted suicide about 21 years ago (off course I will not attempt suicide again, so I know what pain is, deep deep pain.
    I will pray that all goes well with you! Be strong for your family and your loved ones

    Howard

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