Dear Suncitrus,

I am so sorry to hear about your breakup, I sympathize that it is not easy and a painful ordeal. Sometimes everything needs to come crashing down so that we learn what not to do next time, to appreciate what is in front us, to learn more about ourselves and or maybe if we are given a 2nd or 3rd chance at the same relationship. To be open, honest and communicative as all those things are vital to maintaining a healthy & long lasting relationship. If one person is giving 100% and the other person isn’t, that is when the relationship slowly dies. There are people like Katy Perry who give their relationships 3 tries because they have a deep connection with someone they don’t want to lose and both of them are trying hard to work it out. Obviously, we are not there to witness the personal details of anyones relationships including celebrities, so we cannot judge or say we know what their relationship is really like or was like behind closed doors. In any relationship, we just vaguely see what’s on the surface of peoples romances.

This is a great time to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself “What can I improve on” which is the healthy thing to do. Un-healthy people are the ones that put all the blame on their lover/past lover(s) and the healthy people say, “I take partial responsibility because I wasn’t a good lover, or maybe I wasn’t communicative like I should have been ect.” a mature person like yourself is taking responsibility and this is by trying to improve on yourself. Either life will give you back your same lover or life will give you a new lover. We obviously can’t sit at home hoping for a knock on the door by an ex-lover (not saying it doesn’t happen but it’s rare) or a new lover at another shot a love but we can put ourselves out there to be more loving & positive towards life and others. You definitely shouldn’t hide in a dark cave, as that isn’t healthy either. If you want to maintain positive with a positive outlook, always remember the good things that your lover brought into past while you were together.

We have to let go of the negatives to invite in the positives. So if you are out and about and you see your ex again, you can be the positive person with the positive outlook and say ” Hi, it’s good to see you.” No need to be mean and hurtful (not implying that you are mean but be the bigger person) just giving an example here that we can still treat others the way we would want to be treated by anyone. Respect & kindness goes a long way, the old saying ” You catch more bee’s with honey than you do with vinegar.” It’s all about our attitude. Go out and explore nature and when we are around family & friends, let yourself be the example to them on how you view things in a positive way. When I’m around my family and friends, if there is something negative that is being said, I immediately bring something positive to the conversation. Whether the topic is about a person, place or thing, or even someone’s sexuality – Have something positive to say and you’ll see that person(s) attitude shift towards positivity. No matter how stubborn a person may be by trying to keep it negative, keep firing back with a positive sentence or even a comment. People are always drawn to positive & happy people and not people who are cruel and emotionless to others.

Even let’s say your childhood/teenage years wasn’t filled with a lot of love & affection. Treat yourself and others how you would want to be treated. Family, friend or foe, always be kind. Kindness always stretches a long way and will get you far, always. When people are mean to others, 9 times out of 10 people will be mean back. It’s the energy that you give out that you will receive back. For example: There was this girl that was so jealous of me and one day she was being mean and when I complimented her on something I genuinely liked about her highlights in her hair, her attitude immediate shifted and she was nice back. I assume she had expected me to play off her negative energy but instead I fired back at her with a positive & genuine compliment. It was incredible to watch her energy change around me and now when I see her every now and again, she is always kind to me and talks to me a lot about her newborn baby boy. We always have the power to shift the energy level to a positive one.

It’s healthy to dream, so dream about the relationship you would like to have and all the positives that you see coming into your life and you will obtain it. It may take some time but it definitely works (patience). Walt Disney is a great example, everything he dreamed about finally came to life. He made it happen because of dreaming it, believing it and putting it into action. Hoping for a positive outcome is a healthy way to think, so is hoping for another shot at love (either with a new or old partner). We must always remember to believe in ourselves. We will make mistakes, no relationship is ever perfect not even if it appears to be perfect on the outside but that is part of being human, as long as we are doing it with love, kindness and good intention. Something good will come out it as it’s all about your attitude towards life.

I will share a short and somewhat personal chapter about my own life; I had a sister ( we were not blood, even though we told others we were blood and called each other sis.) but I knew my sister since she was 4 years old and one day she broke my trust and betrayed me to defend people she had only spent a couple hours with at a pool party and whom I personally introduced her to. After that, I felt like I no longer knew the little sis I had known for 15 years. It was a superficial act to stab me in the back so that she could maintain friends with the people she only spent a couple hours with. Instead of standing by my side regardless of what my ex was telling her family about me. She immediately cut ties with me, un-friended me and blocked me off of Facebook (2 days after the pool party) to then realizing that she would regret it months later. She said she missed me a lot, she made that ever so loud and clear on social media and she wanted forgiveness & back into my life. I did forgive her but she will no longer have access to my FB ever again and I will not be able to have her in my life for years to come until she matures and reflects on herself as she is 19 years old and I’m almost 31 years old. It’s a maturity thing and that takes years for someone her age to understand and it’s possible at this point that I feel it’s for the best to not re-connect with her, as my family is very upset with her since we knew each other for 15 years for my sister to do what she did to me. It’s still a really tough pill to swallow what she did and her mother always hated me for being a lesbian so her parents stopped liking me bc of that years ago. So now I will always question how genuine my relationship with my sister all these years, after what she did and how she was so quick to just cut me off bc of the things my ex-gf’s family was saying about me when she only knew these people a couple hours. 15 years of knowing me versus – believing people who she knew only met once and more so people who weren’t even there to witness my ex-gf and I’s relationship with each other. Anyway, the positive I’m giving back to her is wishing her well and wishing her all the best on her future endeavors. I look at what happened as a positive thing and in hopes she will not betray and treat anyone else like she did me ever again, I hope anyway, especially someone that has been there for her when she needed them and who has always been kind to her no matter what the situation my sister was in. Making new friends was more important to her than maintaining our long sisterly/family relationship and that’s fine. I accepted & let it go, the end.

In saying all that, I will always love my ex-girlfriend no matter what and hope she finds what she is dearly looking for. I wish only an abundance of affection,love & happiness for my ex-girlfriend and that it follow her in her life forever. I don’t ever wish her any pain or suffering, I just wish love and light in her life, always. That is pure, true & sincere love. Whether she comes back in my life or not, my wishes for her above will remain.

I wish you the very best and I know you will achieve all that your looking, dreaming and hoping for as long as you believe in the power of positivity and believe in yourself that life has a lot to offer you, as long as you keep your heart open, you are kind, you sincerely & whole heartedly forgive, love yourself and love others who truly love you. The ones that love you are the ones you always want to keep in your life. Always remember to turn a negative(s) into a positive. Especially when someone is mean or hurtful, turn it around with love and kindness and you will see that person(s) slowly melt and attract to that positivity. What we give out, is what we get back, whether it’s immediate or sometime in the very near future. I send you a lot of love & light. Never give up! You owe it to yourself to live the life you’ve always dreamed of. xoxo

Thank you SunCitrus! 🙂

I believe if he has told you verbally/face to face that he is not ready for a relationship because of his depression and you’ve been working hard to keep the relationship alive & he has no interest on wanting it to work out with you two, then yes, let him go.

If he ever decides he wants you back in his life and you are single and ready, then let him find you & pursue you. You’ve already pursued him enough by showing him you love him and that you truly wanted to be with him. If he doesn’t give you 100% back like you gave him and he doesn’t come and be the one to come and find you back, then he wasn’t the one for you and your love wasn’t equal. If he does come and find you and you are already spoken for, then it was his big loss. When love presents itself and there is a deep connection, we either grab it and relish in before it’s too late. Or the other person runs scared in the opposite direction.

You wouldn’t want to be in a relationship or marry someone for that matter if they aren’t willing to seek you back and who doesn’t love you back just as deeply & sincerely. True love should always be equal, not one-sided or the other person working hard to keep their relationship alive, while the other couldn’t even care less if they lost you one day.

Time will tell in the very near future how he really felt about you, if he does or doesn’t show up in your life again. If you are having dreams about getting back together with him in the near future, then that is positive sign that it may happen. It’s a good sign I believe. It’s better than having a dream about him ending it. Like I said, time will eventually tell how much he really did love you. It can go either way, regardless just leave his life too and move on. The ball is in his court now and life goes on. Be optimistic, he may be the one you will one day call your best friend & partner or he will let you go and someone else will be happy to be with you. It’s up to him now and the universe on how your future is suppose to be. ( Yes, it is good I ended the toxic relationship with my sister. I don’t want the negativity in my life. She made it clear that she is one that cannot be trusted. Amongst other things like writing all over her Twitter months ago that she has feelings for me. Very un-acceptable & extremely un-comfortable for me, as I do not have feelings for her in that way. She has a boyfriend and I view her as my sister NOT a lover.) I wish her the best. That is all.

Hugs!

What an honest and inspiring post. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. If its any consolation, I am going through almost an identical experience with my boyfriend and I do know how hard it is to accept that letting him go is the right thing to do. As much as I hate the thought of anyone else going through this, your post has reassured me that I am not alone and that life will get better. Depression is such an all-encompassing illness and I’ve found it so hard not to get angry and frustrated at my boyfriend’s sudden refusal to want anything to do with me, but sadly it seems to be part of the process in some cases.

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