Dear V:

Welcome to the forums!

Your plan is: “to develop myself professionally, mentally, and emotionally to the fullest… to.. become financially and emotionally stable and secure.. focus on my career, build a strong foundation for my life and follow my purpose (which is working in climate change and sustainability)”, “and then invite another person into my life”.

You asked: “will it be too late if I start becoming open for a relationship after like 25? Any thoughts?”- I think that it is excellent that you focus on your studies and career before you venture into dating and a relationship, and there is nothing wrong for a young woman to not date before she is 25.

“Am I missing out on not dating in this age? Some people also tell me that I may never know what I want out of a relationship if I never try“- first, trying at 25, in four years from now, is not “never”, second: you are not missing out on what lots of women experience as a result of dating: heartache, disappointment, unplanned pregnancies, etc.

Part of your reasoning that it is better that you postpone dating is: “I am not completely confident and secure in my body, in my abilities and personality. I know I have a lot of insecurities, and I just don’t think I can handle a relationship with those feelings at the same time. I also realize I am afraid to put myself out there and think who would like me?”-

– this is a good reason to indeed postpone dating until later. If you want to, and feel comfortable to elaborate on your lack of confidence/ insecurities, you are welcome to do so. If you address these insecurities, it may help you later, when you go on your first date.

Your insecurities though are not likely to be fully resolved before you go on your first date, therefore it will be important for you to make ground rules for your dating, such as specifying disrespectful behaviors on the part of your date that will lead you to end the date immediately, or to not setting a second date with that person. Setting Dating Ground Rules (and making changes to them as needed over time)  will make you feel more secure when you start dating.

“I believe in the law of attraction…  I want to attract the best possible partner (as everyone of course). I don’t think I am at my best self yet and want to first improve and become the person I want to before looking for my partner. Be my best self to attract the right person”- the Law of Attraction is a pseudoscience idea that says that our thoughts are “pure energy” that attract similar energy in other people, as in.. thoughts attract similar thoughts. Even if there is some truth to it (certain thoughts can produce a sincere smile in a person and a smile is often attractive to others), in the dating world, people are attracted to others for a complexity of reasons, many are physical. Two people are often attracted to each other for different reasons.

I hope to read from you again, and thank you for your interest in climate change and for planning to work in the field!

anita

Heya!
I think it is really important to work on yourself before you try and start dating.
You probably won’t address all your big insecurities and such before you start dating but dating can help with a lot of these things to! It can help you learn more about yourself and you can learn whatever it is you’re looking for!
In my personal opinion I think if you don’t have the headspace to potentially invite someone into your life then maybe hold off a little bit.

I love Anita’s responses and agree with everything said. And I’m going to add another angle.

I hear you loud and clear that you want to develop yourself as fully as you can before you add a relationship to the mix. While that does make a lot of sense, a potential flaw in that thinking is that part of how we develop as humans is through our relationships, and especially intimate relationships. These relationships help us clarify who we are and what matters to us, and we learn and grow from them.

My concern is that you may think you’re not ready for a relationship because you’re not perfect enough yet. Could there be this element of perfectionism in your unconscious thoughts? While it definitely makes sense to not allow romantic relationships to derail you on your path, beware of “never enough” thinking.

Too many people mold themselves to someone else’s life and priorities, and you’re not doing that, which is very good. But a good relationship expands opportunities and exposes you to new options and perspectives that you can’t access by yourself. So maybe rather than saying “no relationships,” you could think in terms of only making time for a relationship that seems like it will enhance your personal development rather than distract from it. That is truly the ideal, in my mind. My romantic partner should expand and enrich my life.

Finally, as far as who will like you, you seem like a gem to me. You have such self-awareness and are obviously mature, thoughtful and smart. When you meet a similar person, they will be absolutely thrilled to find you, because those are rare traits.

Thanks, Anita! The feeling is mutual.

Dear V:

You are welcome to blabber, as you put it, anytime here on your thread. Regarding losing weight and feeling more comfortable and confident in your body, I will be glad to guide you best I can in figuring out what diet, eating habits and exercise fits you individually the best (instead of you trying to fit to any one of the many eating/ exercise plans out there). I have lots of experience on the matter, and I’ve been slender and in good physical shape for years. You can ask me questions on the matter anytime.

anita

You are welcome, V, thank you and take care of yourself as well.

anita