Whenever a friend of mine is in a brand new relationship, I hate everything about it and can’t seem to stand any portion of it. I don’t even want to see them together, or do simple things like hold hands while walking someplace. If I’m in the company of a friend and their significant other, I’ll be completely focused on how they’re holding hands or whispering to each other, regardless of who else is around. Ever since my friends in high school first started dating, I hated PDA and high school relationships. To note: I’ve never been in a relationship myself, and rarely am interested in having one.

But, as I enter my mid-twenties and more friends enter serious relationships, I find that my intense dislike of their significant others is really damaging my friendships. I have one friend where every time she invites her boyfriend to something that he wasn’t explicitly invited to, I get extremely angry and irritated about the situation and let it ruin the event itself. I only seem to be calm or feel comfortable around my friends when their boyfriends are NOT around, and are not mentioned. I’ve realized that instead of me being “tough” and “above” relationships, I’m actually just very insecure and don’t know what to do. It’s been such a staple of my life for so long that I didn’t even realize I was making an effort to hang out with people I didn’t want to because they’re single. I’m not happy when someone meets someone new or goes on a date, I’m angry and upset.

How do I move past this so I can preserve my relationships with my friends and live peacefully into adulthood?