Dear Indebt:

Reads to me that you having a good understanding of his condition, that he is suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, without the compulsions (Pure O is not a medical term, it refers to OCD without the compulsions).

Regarding you “obsessing about his obsessive thoughts!”- I want to understand better, therefore I ask: are you worried that some of his obsessive thoughts are about harming you?

anita

Dear Indebt:

One thing that concerns me is your sources of information regarding “Pure O”- like I wrote to you, it is not a medical term, so I question the info sources on “pure O”.

To read more accurate information, perhaps look at government sponsored sites on OCD.

I suffered and was diagnosed with OCD. Your husband is afraid that his thoughts indicate that he is a bad person, and that his thoughts might somehow cause the bad things he thinks about and imagines to happen in real life.

Problem is that a very small percentage of people who suffer from OCD do act on their thoughts, a very small percentage, but he may be one of those people. I suggest you make an appointment with a medical doctor, talk to the doctor personally about your concerns, and have your husband see that same doctor individually, then see that same doctor with your husband.

I will be away from the computer for a few hours. If you post again by the time I return, we can continue the conversation.

anita

Dear Indebt:

You are welcome.

“he said he wants to try and help himself first”- he will have a lot of helping himself to do in the context of professional help; quality professional counseling/ psychotherapy requires the client to help himself!

It is not just about him needing help- you need help too. Once he told you that he had “bad thoughts”, but refused to tell you what those were, and you asked him if it is similar to a mother thinking about harming her baby, and he said yes- naturally you would think (as I would in your place) that he is thinking about harming you.

Because he told you what he told you, and he can’t un-tell it, he owes you to go to a medical doctor, a psychiatrist, for an initial evaluation, like I suggested in my earlier post to you.

It is not necessarily that he suffers from OCD or from the unmedical term Pure O. If you are not aware of him being significantly obsessive in the past- it may  be that his “bad thoughts” are not a part of OCD. There are people who did not suffer from OCD, who had “bad thoughts” and proceeded to put those bad thoughts into action, and there are examples of those in court cases.

anita

Dear Indebt:

I understand that you don’t know for sure if his thoughts are about harming you, but he did say that his thoughts are bad, and that they are similar to the example you gave him (of a mother thinking of harming her baby)- so it is reasonable to suspect that his thoughts may be about harming you in one way or another.

Let’s say his “bad thoughts” are not about harming you.. it just occurred to me to ask you: did you tell him that you are afraid that his thoughts are about harming you?

anita

Dear Indebt:

“the information I have read tells me (his “bad thoughts”) don’t mean anything!”- I hope that his thoughts don’t mean any danger to your physical safety, but they mean something to your mental health and the state of your marriage (“I feel so scared and distant from him… I feel so alone”).

You sort of diagnosed your husband as having “intrusive thoughts”, and “Pure O”, and figured that what you read online about these terms is true to your husband. But all that you read may not be true to him because:

1. Only psychiatrists and some mental health professionals can diagnose a person, after meeting with the person and evaluating him. This means that you are not qualified to diagnose your husband.

2. The people who posted their input on Pure O- many, if not all are not professionals, and none met your husband. So, what they posted may not be scientifically true, and none of their posts is specific to your husband.

-This is why I suggest again that you see a psychiatrist, or another mental health professional who is able meet with your husband face to face, evaluate him,  and diagnose him if needed; then meet with you and your husband together, so to and come up with a plan as to what to do next, so to guide the two of  you about how to communicate on the topic.

To no longer be scared and distant from your husband, feeling so alone in your marriage, something needs to take place, a better communication with him, a connection. He needs to know that you are feeling the way you do, and he needs to see that professional with you, to help himself, you and the marriage!

anita

Dear Indebt:

You are welcome. I am glad to read that he is going to make an appointment for tomorrow. Post again anytime you want to, if you do. I would like to read how this proceeds. I wish you and your husband well.

anita

I know how old this post is but I came across it looking desperately for help and answers in my own marriage. I hope original poster is still using this website.