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how to trust again after being hurt and lied on

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  • #77920
    Christopher
    Participant

    Hi! First of all, beware of online dating (but I guess you took that into consideration already). After reading your post, one thing that I strongly encourage you to look for before even getting into another relationship is make sure you are happy with yourself and with your life in this moment.

    I’ve seen way too many people (and was one of them myself) who look for validation in a relationship and inveitably end up with regrets or involved in bad relationships. The fact that you’ve waited so long before getting involved again says a lot, but if you really are happy with yourself right now I would just stop putting too much pressure on your next relationship and just experience and enjoy what you get. The worst it can happen is you get to know another person, share some time with him, see where it leads you and go from there.

    Make sure you are clear with that person about your expectations and be honest with yourself on if this is really what you want.

    Hope this helps!

    Chris

    #77927
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear vidalevi:
    With your mindset of looking for evidence that the next person in your life is not turstworthy, I would suggest that you focus not on getting into an exclusive relationship with this new guy or any other but on developing a friendship with this guy- and with others, if you’d like. Shooting for a romantic relationship at this point, when you are hyperfocused on suspicion is not a good beginning. If you decide on, let’s say, 3 months of friendship only BEFORE you consider a bf/gf relationship with this guy, then you have 3 months of not having to be suspicious of him. During the three months you will be able to learn about him, to enjoy some closeness, learning about yourself even, in the context of friendship. Then, after three or however long you decide, after that- figure it out and maybe take it to the next level.
    anita

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