Dear Felix:

You asked: “So how do I trust women again?”

My answer: You don’t, and you don’t try to trust women again. I don’t think it is possible for you, neither is it a good idea.

Instead, you prepare for two things: one, is you may never get married because of community property laws in California. Also, being aware (are you not) that living together with a woman for a certain amount of time gives her legal rights to your income and property acquired while living together. You may choose to not live together with a woman or end the living together arrangement time before that cut off date. There is nothing wrong with these as long as you are honest with the woman, consistently honest with the woman ahead of time, in the beginning stage of the relationship.

The second thing is, you can keep (and how can you not…, it is already established) distrust in women. Consider, instead, trusting this or that particular individual after getting to know her. Keep that as a possibility.

You asked: “How do I not think that all women are bad?”- It is not only a thought, that “all women are bad”- it is a belief, that is a thought glued with emotion. And so, you believe what you believe and my above input is the same here.

You wrote: “My mom did something horrible and now my wife, who I love more than anything in this world, is leaving me.”- be selective as to whom you love. You had no choice about who your mother was when you were born to her. You had a choice about the nature of your wife, but you were probably not very aware that you had that choice. Now you have a choice and you can be more aware that you do.

And by the way, the reality that some women did, do and will be motivated, through the aid of an attorney, to target all the financial benefits possible in a divorce does not make you a sexist (you expressed concern about being thought as one). It makes you a realist, since legal divorce records are available to the public.

(You may be a sexist, I don’t know, but not for the reason you brought up here…)

anita

Dear Felix:

It reads to me that you thought, based on my last post to you, that I suggested that you were a sexist. I did not suggest that. I just looked at a definition of “sexist”, as an adjective: “relating to or characterized by prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, typically against women”-

I don’t know about you being a sexist, I didn’t see any evidence of it in your thread and you do seem to trust at least one woman, your to-be ex wife to not take unfair (or any) financial advantage of you during the expected divorce.

Thing is, you do seem to have a prejudice against American people who “hate each other and cause each other pain” (in the sentence: “We may live in America, but we are not brainwashed by the culture to hate each other and cause each other pain.”

And although you mentioned “culture” in this sentence and not “people”, it is people who live in any particular culture that can hate and harm others.)

You expressed such sentiment in previous threads.

I am not suggesting that you move back to Russia, but instead I am curious as to whether you would be more comfortable living in Russia presently and in your future, since you much prefer the culture and people there, and since you have no children and soon you will not be tied up by marriage?

anita