Hi Gracie,
I recognize some of you in me, except I think you are young and I am old! Reading your story, which is so much like mine, I think you might have some of the same deep rooted abandonment issues that I do based on your parents behavior toward you. The only way for me to work that through was with a professional counselor who helped me see, name and reframe those issues. If you can’t afford it, and many counselors have sliding fees so that you can afford it, please do some research on abandonment issues. You are revisiting the patterns established when you were little and repeating them in your adult life in your relationship with men. It doesn’t have to be that way, you can change it but first you have to understand and acknowledge the problem. Bottom line, I hope you realize that you and you alone are ENOUGH and worthy. You don’t NEED anyone…you can WANT them, but you do not need a man to complete you. Everything you need is right inside your own heart and soul. Believe in yourself, love yourself first, treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Trust yourself to always be there for you and you won’t scare yourself or others away. Good luck! Seek out that counseling…you had an unfair and unsettling childhood that is bleeding over into your adult choices but it can be fixed pretty easily, I promise.