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How to say goobye

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  • May 24, 2018 at 9:32 am #209205
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Nairobi:

    You had very good times with him in the past, but that was only two days per month, correct? Most of the time you were miserable and as you said, the bad times outweighed the good times, overall.

    And now things have gotten worse, he has his religion, a close friend circle that thinks you are bad for him, a family business, an absorbing family.. there is less and less of him, for you.

    To top all this, he now needs time to find himself which means he is no longer sure about you.

    Reads to me that logic points to ending this relationship. Your emotional attachment to him is strong though and has its own logic. In it there are the hopes and dreams that you had for so long, for the two of you.

    As strong as the attachment you feel for him, it doesn’t have to stop you from doing the right thing for yourself, which I believe is to day goodbye (in the title of your thread).

    anita

    May 24, 2018 at 9:42 pm #209275
    Michelle
    Participant

    Anita – I just wanted to say how beautiful (and right) this line is.  So many people don’t realize this. Your advice transcends just the people you are replying to in the the thread and has helped me (and many others) over the time I’ve been reading TinyBuddha.

    As strong as the attachment you feel for him, it doesn’t have to stop you from doing the right thing for yourself,

    May 24, 2018 at 11:57 pm #209299
    Nairobi
    Participant

    I understand that, and I know that he is not acting they way he should at the moment. He is not communicating with me -essentially ghosting me- and he is not treating me with the respect I deserve after all these years. I know he is afraid and he would rather just leave and not have this conversation if that means avoiding conflict, but if he is going to end a 6 year old relationship then I think we deserve to have a face to face last conversation. We have been through so much, all this waiting for a future where we could be together, and now he’s giving up.

    I’m so angry that he is not being brave enough to deal with this the way he should. Even now, when I’m the one who had all these doubts, I’m willing to fight to make it work and he is just giving up.

    May 25, 2018 at 3:06 am #209315
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * Dear Michelle: your note means a lot to me, how kind of you to post it.  Thank you!

    Dear Nairobi:

    You mentioned being angry in your recent post (“I’m so angry”). I re-read your original post. You wrote there: “I progressively became angry.. and so we begun fighting quite a lot… many arguments in the last year” And later, you wrote that he told you “that all of our arguments have changed him and he needs to think”.

    You wrote: “he has always told me that he was completely sure that I was the best thing that had ever happened to him… now … he has just given up. How can he love me the way he says he does and not fight for us?”

    My answer: he did fight. All those arguments in the last year, so many, he argued back. He fought and reconciled, then fought again. Then he got tired, didn’t want to fight anymore.

    In your recent post you wrote: “I know he is afraid and he would rather just leave and not have this conversation if that means avoiding conflict”- but he did not “just leave” and he did not avoided conflict all through the many arguments the two of you had.

    anita

     

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