Mariposa,

I’m glad you’re on the road to recovery from a difficult past. Consider that the time you spent in unhealthy patterns was long (27 years?) and the healing is perhaps still happening. Did you happen to speak about possible codependency in therapy? There are some great books out there if you haven’t already read them.

One of my teachers said jovially “If a codependent and an addict were in a crowded baseball game on opposite sides in the stands, they will somehow meet each other by the third inning, be in love by the fourth, and married by the seventh.” I think you dodged a bullet in slowing down and stepping back. Especially considering that he proffered his love two weeks before having moved on to a new woman. Consider that perhaps instead of moving to a place of self nurturing (which is the needed healing for both addiction and codependency) your ex is now just “love hopping”. Said differently, the sparkle of newness in a connection might have replaced his other object of addiction. That type of connection bursts with fire initially and becomes stale and icky quickly.

How are your patterns of self nurturing coming along? Do you have gentle time to yourself where you do nice things for you? Have you maintained some momentum on your hobbies? Consider what you might be experiencing is withdrawal from the drama of connecting to an addict. Movies and books talk about love at first sight, and they do us a great injustice. Passion and sexual attraction can happen immediately, but genuine lasting love takes more time than you had together before it arises. You hardly knew each other! I mean this respectfully, but as you are inconsolable, perhaps a reality check will be helpful.

Congrats on working at Google. It sounds as though you’re really moving your life in a positive direction! Keep the momentum!

With warmth,
Matt