How to move on without closure

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This topic has 10 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 3 months ago by Anonymous.

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July 11, 2017 at 6:55 pm #157570
Connie
Participant
Hello all

My boyfriend and I broke up less than a month ago. We had brief communication after breaking up.

(I have started a thread here: His silent treatment is driving me crazy)

Basically I was the one who mentioned break-up and regretted it. I had been trying hard to win him back by contacting him. He wouldn’t respond to me, all he gave me was two emails. Both emails read that he still cared about me and he was in pain as well. He said that the break-up was something he felt I ultimately wanted. Although I have emailed him back telling him that I didn’t want to break up, he didn’t seem to care anymore, since all I got from him is silence.

Its been really hard on me. I asked him several times what he wanted, but I never got his reply.

I was kinda happy when I received his second email telling me that he’s been thinking about me, I replied by telling him I wanted to keep trying, but it’s been 10 days and I haven’t heard from him again.

At first, I thought he was just trying to punish me with the silent treatment. However, at this point, I am just about to give up. I feel part in my doesn’t want to, because I never get closure from him – a confirmation like: “Connie, I am sorry, but this is the end. There’s no more us.”

I really want to move on. I can’t sleep well and I have lost all desires to do other things in life. I am tried of living like this, but I don’t know what I can do to pull myself out.

Any advice?
- This topic was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Connie.
July 11, 2017 at 7:15 pm #157574

Macy
Participant

Connie

First sorry for the heartbreak you are going through right now…breakups aren’t easy regardless who initiates it.

The first thing you said was that you initiated it…why..were you not happy..did you feel your boyfriend was pulling from you? You said you regret it now..and yes sometimes we second guess our decisions…but is it cause you miss him, or were things not as bad, or were there high expectations on your boyfriend?

Leading up to breakups…one has certain thoughts and feelings toward the other person…what were yours?

Macy

July 11, 2017 at 7:58 pm #157580
Connie
Participant
Macy

Thank you for the reply.

This is why it’s been so difficult for me to let go. Everything was great right before we broke up. We were talking about making trips, visiting his parents overseas, getting married and some other life plans, etc. I didn’t feel he was pulling away. The day before we broke up, we had a really nice chat on FaceTime for two hours straight. How things have developed is totally out of the blue to be honest.

Like every couple, we have had our issues and worked really hard to over come those obstacles. Some couples take shorter time, some longer, and I guess we are one of the longer ones. The day we had fight, he felt that our problems/issues never got resolved and we were not making progress as a couple.

His silence makes me wonder if it’s just his coward way to deal with our breakup, which I really don’t understand, either. He’s a very straight forward person, sometimes even too straight to hurt other people’s feelings.

I just hoped so much that we could have one last peaceful talk to end things together. He means a lot to me and we have had so much together. I really can’t pretend nothing ever happened and let go.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Connie.
July 11, 2017 at 8:16 pm #157584

Macy
Participant

Connie

It sounds like you obviously don’t want to break up…as everything up to the 2 hour fb talk were great. And we have all had these moments where a day is perfect than something said is taken the wrong way…and text in any way is hard..because what your frame of mind is and his could be different. That unfortunately, is the bad thing about text vs in person.

So was it something in your fb talk that either you took the wrong way or your boyfriend?

Cause it seems up till then everything was great. Especially when you were talking about travels and marriage. Usually when there is a breakup there is a couple months when one can tell it’s not going well…and one can even tell if it’s the other person pulling away. It doesn’t sound that way with your relationship. And yes not every relationship is not perfect…there are always disagreements for sure.

Macy

July 12, 2017 at 9:57 am #157640

Rox
Participant

Hi Connie,

I am really sorry to hear about your break up. Not too long ago, I experienced the same thing. My boyfriend who had said that I was the love of his life and that he would always fight for me, gave up on us after I overreacted over something stupid. I tried soooooooo hard to mend things. I apologized a million times and nothing worked. I wrote him an email and he replied with a very short answer. This is what I have learnt from this break up:

1. Love is never begged. Never, ever lose your self-respect over someone- its not worth it.

2. Someone who actually wants to be with you, will make it work-PERIOD- There is nothing more to.

3. RESPECT his decision. It may hurt like hell and boy do I know that feeling- but respect it

4. Nobody in life is worth losing your self worth over- NOBODY- love yourself and do things that make you happy and you will see, you will attract the right people

5. You will never have to force anything that is truly meant to be. Let me ask you this- why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you? What does that say about you? that you believe you need to convince people to be with you?

– the same harsh advise that I give to you, I give to myself. Regain you power back and be strong enough to walk away from any relationship that damages your well being.

– I had to do the same exact thing and it was hard like hell but I will be dam if I let a guy make me feel like I cannot live without him or like he is the best thing that could ever happen to me. If you apologized and your tried to mend things and it didn’t work- please LET IT GO.

Sending you lots of happy vibes.

Rox

July 12, 2017 at 8:58 pm #157836
Connie
Participant
– Rox

I want to thank you very much for your sincere words. I have read your posts can totally understand everything you went through.

You are right, love is never begged. I did so much crying, begging and stuff that I didn’t even like myself anymore. Every word in your reply is so powerful. I have decided to let go and set myself free, to love myself and find happiness.

– Macy

I have done a lot of thinking and realized closure has to come from myself. Ever since we broke up, I have tried my best to make it so easy for him to come back. Maybe the fight was his last straw. Maybe he didn’t want to continue this relationship with long distance. There are so many possible reasons. But one thing is for sure – he doesn’t want it anymore and I can’t allow myself to be led on.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Connie.
July 13, 2017 at 9:20 am #157882

Jess
Participant

Hi Everyone,

I need some advice and support.

I recently met this guy online and we clicked instantly. We had a lot in common and were looking for same thing. He wanted to meet for breakfast right as we were talking and I said lets just do it tomorrow, he seemed very anxious to meet so I wanted to wait to see how he was. So we talked all day and met for breakfast the next day. It was awesome. I really liked him and we just clicked. We went for a walk on the beach after . It was awesome. After he showed me his own place, we kissed and it was amazing . He was going on vacacation the next day for 2 weeks and asked if I wanted to get drinks later that night. So I agreed. He ended up blowing me off that night .

I tried to get a hold of him all that night with no answer. He text me the next morning and I forgave him and gave him a second chance.

we ended up texting the entire time he was on vacation. We just clicked. He did come on very strong with everything he wanted to do when he got back, plans, that he felt love for me . I was just like ok. Maybe it’s love at first sight. I just knew that I liked him a lot and couldn’t wait to see him when I got back. It was all just so exciting.

So 2 weeks after we met we planned to just have a relaxing day at his apt. I went to his house after work. I just cldnt wait to see him.

As soon as I got there it was like instant chemistry. We kissed and has sex right away . We ended up smoking pot and having sex all day. We watched movies, kissed, and cuddled. We just clicked and it felt amazing to be with him. I had planned on spending the night there. I got there at 1 pm and at around 9:30 he was like umm do you mimd sleeping at your house, I need some alone time ? my heart just sank, I was like what ?

he had said he cldnt wait to sleep with me in his arms and now he wanted me out of there. I asked him what happened and he said it all just hit him. All of this and he needed some space. I was like omg . This isn’t happening . He ended up getting me an Uber because I cldnt drive . I was like wow this guy really wants me out of here. So I left and felt mortified.

The next morning I woke with anxiety. No text or nothing from him. He always text me at like 6 am and it was 8:30 am. So I text and called him. I pretty much had to hunt him down to get a hold of him. My car was at him house and I needed it and he really didn’t seem to care. So finally he text and me and said do you want to swing by and pick you up so you can get your car ? Once he picked me up it was all weird . He said that he wasn’t sure if he was ready for this and needed time to think about it . I was like what .

He said can we slow it down , can we just hang out , I need to hang out . I just said that I wasn’t looking for that . I wanted to date him. So that was it .

he dropped me off.

I got upset and text him later that day trying to figure out what happened and why he did this. He just said leave me alone . I said some other things like how hurt I was , confused, and that I would give him all the space he needed. That was it . I then deleted him on my social media.

So now 4 days later and I haven’t heard anything . I think I just met a bad guy that just messed with my head. I feel horrible and mortified. Why did he do this? Was it all a game just for sex?

let me know what you guys think

July 13, 2017 at 12:05 pm #157932

Anonymous
Guest

* Dear Jess: will you copy your post above, then click Forums, choose a Category (Relationships, I figure), click it, scroll down the page and paste your post there. You will be the Original Poster there. I would like to reply to you on the thread you start.

anita

July 14, 2017 at 4:09 am #158008

Jess
Participant

Hi Everyone,

I need some advice and support.

I recently met this guy online and we clicked instantly. We had a lot in common and were looking for same thing. He wanted to meet for breakfast right as we were talking and I said lets just do it tomorrow, he seemed very anxious to meet so I wanted to wait to see how he was. So we talked all day and met for breakfast the next day. It was awesome. I really liked him and we just clicked. We went for a walk on the beach after . It was awesome. After he showed me his own place, we kissed and it was amazing . He was going on vacacation the next day for 2 weeks and asked if I wanted to get drinks later that night. So I agreed. He ended up blowing me off that night .

I tried to get a hold of him all that night with no answer. He text me the next morning and I forgave him and gave him a second chance.

we ended up texting the entire time he was on vacation. We just clicked. He did come on very strong with everything he wanted to do when he got back, plans, that he felt love for me . I was just like ok. Maybe it’s love at first sight. I just knew that I liked him a lot and couldn’t wait to see him when I got back. It was all just so exciting.

So 2 weeks after we met we planned to just have a relaxing day at his apt. I went to his house after work. I just cldnt wait to see him.

As soon as I got there it was like instant chemistry. We kissed and has sex right away . We ended up smoking pot and having sex all day. We watched movies, kissed, and cuddled. We just clicked and it felt amazing to be with him. I had planned on spending the night there. I got there at 1 pm and at around 9:30 he was like umm do you mimd sleeping at your house, I need some alone time ? my heart just sank, I was like what ?

he had said he cldnt wait to sleep with me in his arms and now he wanted me out of there. I asked him what happened and he said it all just hit him. All of this and he needed some space. I was like omg . This isn’t happening . He ended up getting me an Uber because I cldnt drive . I was like wow this guy really wants me out of here. So I left and felt mortified.

The next morning I woke with anxiety. No text or nothing from him. He always text me at like 6 am and it was 8:30 am. So I text and called him. I pretty much had to hunt him down to get a hold of him. My car was at him house and I needed it and he really didn’t seem to care. So finally he text and me and said do you want to swing by and pick you up so you can get your car ? Once he picked me up it was all weird . He said that he wasn’t sure if he was ready for this and needed time to think about it . I was like what .

He said can we slow it down , can we just hang out , I need to hang out . I just said that I wasn’t looking for that . I wanted to date him. So that was it .

he dropped me off.

I got upset and text him later that day trying to figure out what happened and why he did this. He just said leave me alone . I said some other things like how hurt I was , confused, and that I would give him all the space he needed. That was it . I then deleted him on my social media.

So now 4 days later and I haven’t heard anything . I think I just met a bad guy that just messed with my head. I feel horrible and mortified. Why did he do this? Was it all a game just for sex?

let me know what you guys think

July 14, 2017 at 4:11 am #158010

Jess
Participant

Hi Anita, I just tried to repost it there . Let me know if it worked .

Thanks

July 14, 2017 at 7:39 am #158052

Anonymous
Guest

* Dear Jess: you reposted on Connie’s thread. Connie is the Original Poster (OP) of this thread. My suggestion was that you start your own thread where you will be the OP. If you follow my instructions of yesterday, scrolling down that last page, you will come to an empty space for a title (you choose your own title) and an empty space underneath for the body of your thread- this is where you can paste the post above. I hope you try again!

anita
Author

Posts