Wilson,

You are speaking to something that is a common malfunction of the human condition. Psychologist refer to it as cognitive dissonance. It occurs when our actions or behaviors contradict our core belief or values. I too have had episodes of cognitive dissonance and my actions cost me the love of someone I cared for deeply. Does it make us bad people? does it speak to our poor character? I will wager no, becuase you are feeling guilty about it, even after. You are seeking to reconcile this guilt. A “bad” person or person of poor character wouldnt give a second thought to their behavior or how it hurt themselves or others. So give yourself some credit here. Dissonance is a really tought thing to avoid and steer clear of. You made a comment “i find i keep learning things the hard way.” Brother, I am right there with you. I seem to ALWAYS get myself in jams and they often arent worth what I was trying to achieve. Im with you, stuck on how to change it about myself. We can understand why it occurs, the dissonance, we can understand the self justifications we tell ourselves in the moment to quiet our conscience and do it anyway. I guess the trick is, to not act hastily. If you know you struggle with dissonance and self justification. Do not be quick to make a decision. Bad decisions occur “in the moment.” In this moment we only consider what we have to gain, in the way of instance gratification. We do not think about others, or the long term negatives or consequinces of our decisions.

Most people are guilty of this to some extent so go easy on yourself. The fact you recognize it and are seeking a solution speaks volumes above most people who just shrug it off and think the ends justify the means and will never take responsiblity for their choices as being completely their own. Some of it is maturity, you are in your 20’s. As you continue to age and grow, the negative ramifications of past decisions will stick with you and be constant reminders to steer clear of danger zones. My best advice as stated above, is to simply slow down, not jump to decisions. Allow your mind an opportunity to process the totality of the circumstances before acting. Research cognitive dissonance and self justification on t he internet for additional suggestions on how to address these things.

-Chad

Thanks Chad. CD is an interesting concept in the scientific world.

Hi Wilson

There is no harm in learning from your adventures ( either bad or good ) as long as your adventures are not causing an issue for anyone else.

According to the Karmic philosophy in the wide world of spirituality, there is no such thing as a “free lunch”. Every action leads to a consequence. if you cheat someone of $1, you will have to return that $1 in some form or the other. According to the law of attraction and vibration, like attracts like. If you give out positivity, you attract more of the same. If you give out negativity, you attract more of the same. These positive or negative emotions all culminate from our thoughts and hence, the famous saying, “you become what you think about the most”. In order to understand as to why things dont tick for you until you experience it yourself is to check your thoughts. What sort of thoughts do you indulge in ? Is there a pattern to it ? if yes, then change the thought pattern to bring about a positive change in your life. One way of changing thought pattern is to practice positive affirmations. Louise Hay provides an excellent resource on that.

Once your mind accepts that there are no free things in this world except for love and smiles (and everything else that the nature provides), you wont feel the need to engage in activities,which will lead to remorse. It will also become easier for you to reason with your “ego” when you are about to engage in such activities.

Lots of positive energy coming you way,

J

David, something I heard a while ago I really like maybe a motto for you moving forward, better well done than well said….. own your truth and live it. Best of luck

🙂 Awesome to hear that Wilson.
Cheers
J

Remember: The past does not define who you are. I know, easier said than done. Trust me, I need to be remembered myself at times. There is a beautiful japanese proverb that goes: Fall seven times, get up eight. As simplistic as it may sound, you made a mistake, you fell down and now you are getting up and that is what counts. you are not saying forget these people, you sound very honest and sorry. use this as a catalyst, not as a barrier… you are still young… i am sure that many of us here can say the same: at least i can, i too have to do it, get burned even if friends family warned me…. i too seem to do the same mistake over and over until bingo: eureka. i got it. tired of getting burned. it is a process. it is all a process. i looked for quick fixes, solutions, formulas, tricks… most of my life. i have decided to approach my issues differently this time. paying attention to spiritual and most of all: Living and being in the present. I have ran away from it for too long. I have ran away from myself for too long. feeling awkward, clumsy, useless, the one who always had to learn the hard way, who does not listen… who cannot remember to listen… Now, I finally realize that many have similar issues, that my head, my thoughts, have been the ones who tricked me for so long… so the answer, for me at least, is in me: TRUST. best wishes,