How to Motivate Yourself to Keep Trying To Find Right Girl

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 10 months ago by Doreen Dawson.

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January 29, 2015 at 11:39 pm #72099
Trevor
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Okay, so in a nutshell, I’m wondering how to stay motivated to continue trying to find the right girl in the face of rejections (blatant or not), competition, frustration, and stress from life in general. I’m not going to post a sob story. I’ve been working hard on keeping out bad vibes and playing the victim. The point is I’m 23 and I really want to start seriously looking for a relationship, but with the right girl. I’m pretty good looking I think and try to dress nicely, though with dating that is only a small part of the battle.

The right girl is a girl who I will feel reasonably content with staying with. Someone who is supportive, mature (but not afraid to let loose sometimes), adventurous, attractive, and ideally interested in similar projects/activities that I am. In order to find someone like this, I realize it is going to take some hard work. Girls like that are hit on all the time, are more rare, and seem to have a “shield” up so I have to be very careful (and paradoxically not careful and smooth and “just myself).

When I think about the outcome and what’s at stake and don’t live in the moment or feel angry or frustrated or jealous I feel like I “lose my center” and things become more difficult, but it isn’t easy “stuffing feelings” or killing them altogether.
The main point is that sometimes when a guy gets a ton of attention from a bunch of different girls I feel jealous or angry. Or sometimes I can’t be talkative very easily because I’m exhausted from school or work. Or sometimes things don’t work out and I get down about it, or I feel that I am behind for my age. What tips do you have to keep you going and feeling confident and strong – to keep going even when you feel down or angry or jealous or behind? Sometimes I try repeating mantras in my head or in the car which is useful or listen to songs like Fort Minor.

Thanks!
- This topic was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Trevor.
January 30, 2015 at 12:11 am #72101

popi
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You have to build up your confidence. That’s it.
there are many girls and guys out there many kinds of people
All different. Don’t see them are yourself.
Believe in yourself and your life and your goals.
love your activities try to find the strength to see life more adventurous.
when you will feel more happy and lucky and strong
Then you will start to attract the same kind of person.
Nobody wants to have wrong choices so stop complaining and live free.
When you get out in a bar for instance, feeling good lucky happy, only by your feelings people will like you.
Its all about socialization buddy.
Its not about motivation or stuff
Try to fix yourself your wrongs and disadvantages and then the right person will approach you.

January 30, 2015 at 2:43 am #72103

Kath
Participant

Wow, that’s a lot of pressure on a girl… She not only has to be all the things you expect from her, but also love someone who does not really like himself and tries really hard to be some kind of “image”! This can only lead to a relationship where both try to keep up a facade all the time.
Seriously, a good relationship is not about looks! Studies show that attractive women tend to settle with less attractive men 😉

You should be loved for who you are, including your weaknesses!
I agree with popi that you need to built confidence. How is this done? Strangely it is done by accepting your weaknesses! Accept that you are not perfect, that others might look better, be funnier, have it easier to talk to people. You are completely ok, even if certain women reject you. Maybe they are the wrong ones for you?

You cannot change the boots you are walking in (your self, which you need to accept), but you can change the path you are walking on (a life and a relationship that is suited to your actual needs, not those of the person you try to be!)

January 30, 2015 at 11:12 am #72119

Alex
Participant

What tips do you have to keep you going and feeling confident and strong – to keep going even when you feel down or angry or jealous or behind? Sometimes I try repeating mantras in my head or in the car which is useful or listen to songs like Fort Minor.

You may want to work on coping with rejection and your confidence factor.

When it comes to dating, my failure rate is higher than my success rate. I think that is true for the majority of men – even for those that seems to be successful with the ‘ladies’. In dating, you are going to get rejected a lot so get use to it or remain single for the rest of your life.

The most important aspect though is to learn from those failures without letting them drive you crazy. Maybe you are a poor conversationalist? Your wardrobe sucks? You chew food and talk at the same time and ended up spitting food on her? Etc… It is important to self-analyze so you can grow as a person.

Confidence is an attraction booster. If you like yourself and are happy with your life then you will naturally be confident. If you don’t have natural confidence, it is possible to fake it and get a few dates, but real confidence will you get you further in dating and life.

Now confidence can be a bit tricky and turn into arrogance so you need to toe that line very carefully. How do you recognize it?

Confidence is quiet; It is thoughtful, kind, spontaneous, and generous to all those around. Confidence stems from peace of mind.

Arrogance is loud; It is brash, selfish, manipulative, and guarded. Arrogance stems from insecurities.

To recap:
You are going to get rejected a lot, and that is completely normal.
You should keep trying and continue to learn from your setbacks and failures.
You need to grow as a person and like yourself for who you are and because that is where confidence comes from.

January 30, 2015 at 4:03 pm #72122
Doreen Dawson
Participant
Hi Trevor!

The best motivation is to focus more on yourself and on what makes you, well you. No Comparison here.

Go after your hobbies, goals and enjoy life without expectations.

Don’t let your mind overtake your heart in romance, keep everything open, let things go even rejection and keep moving forward.

Only when you love yourself will you be able to truly love someone else.
- This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Doreen Dawson.
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