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How to let go of a Friend….

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  • May 26, 2014 at 10:40 am #57368
    Claire
    Participant

    I have been friends with a girl for around 10 years. We went to school together. I have recently moved an hour away from home and the only friend I know in the area is her. So we have been keeping in touch more regularly. However, she is extremely negative and is emotionally draining. She calls me twice a day and when we do speak I have no time for all the moaning etc. Aside this I don’t feel like she is a good friend. I live 10 minutes away and when I have had low days she doesnt come over and has never gone out of her way for me yet calls us “best friends”. I want more from a friend, someone who inspires me, pushes me to do well and whilst we can’t always be happy and positive, it’s nice to try and be like this 90% of the time!

    I don’t know how to let go?

    I have been a little more distant with her and shes now saying “i’m being short”. I don’t want to fall out or for her to feel hurt or upset if I tell her the truth.

    I am currently trying to eliminate all the negative things in my life, to have a more positive circle.

    Can anyone advise??

    May 26, 2014 at 12:08 pm #57381
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Claire, i think you already know what to do.

    The question is: what is harder for you – putting up with her moaning/negativity or detaching yourself to continue your progress? I have done something similar before and we drifted apart. Eventually, when she gained some maturity and stability, the clingy and negative loop got destroyed – it took another 2 years though. In the end, she did understand her negative state and how draining it had become. I dont regret it. Good friendships survive bumps over time.

    It doesnt have to be the harsh way where you blatantly tell her. Perhaps let time run its course and you could slowly instill the idea into her head about how involved, busy you are. Please stop talking to her so much if you are really busy and dont want to. She will get the hint eventually. You cant force any sense into someone unless they are really ready to take it in and act on it.

    Think about it.

    May 26, 2014 at 1:20 pm #57396
    Claire
    Participant

    Thank you.

    I agree. I will keep busy and focused and put her on the backburner. I know however, she will continue to call/text me. That is the difficult bit. I will just have to tell her how busy I am at the minute and hopefully she will get the hint, like you have said.

    I really appreciate you taking the time to write back. x

    May 26, 2014 at 2:08 pm #57398
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Claire,

    This is a fork in the road for sure. …unless you already picked a direction.

    I have an experience to share and I have a timely article that may help – I just read it.

    My brother used to be very toxic, to the point one day when I said I would not bring someone over for a visit. I said it was not good for his immediate family either. I just laid it out there and I’m sure I did it with care and concern. I told my sister in law. Initially he pushed back. Then he dropped the toxic stuff! Night and day since! He seems much happier, too! 🙂

    The article is: How to Have Difficult Conversations. See Psychology Today’s blog.

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Big blue.
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