Bravo to you for trying to understand his point of view! And of course you want him to see your point of view. It’s one of the dances of relationship, where each person wants to be understood and heard. I hope you and he find a way to get there. According to you, whatever you’ve been doing isn’t working. So what will you do differently?

The only way forward, to my mind, is that you need to really forgive him for past events. That will take a lot of doing on your part, especially after 5 years of him cheating on you. No wonder you are upset and even though you try, you cannot stop berating him over things that happened in the past. That says to me that, even though you might say the words. ‘I forgave you for that’, your heart is saying you haven’t. Even if he won’t see a therapist, perhaps you could see one on your own and work through these negative feelings you have towards him that keep resurfacing.

You say you ‘show your hatred towards him’ for these things and that you can’t help blaming him for everything that happened. If you can’t put that behind you and make a fresh start, then I seriously doubt that you should be with someone who initiates such feelings and which for you, are surfacing all the time.