Dear Maria:

To leave a relationship with minimized emotional pain and distress to you and to him:

* leave it just once- make it final. If you end it and then re-start it only to end it again, and re-start it … that would cause unnecessary pain to both parties.

* when you explain to him why you are leaving, make your explanation honest, simple to understand, and short. No lies, no “it’s me, not you” and such.

* expect discomfort and distress for yourself (and for him) following the breakup and be prepared for it, form a plan of action. As far as your expected distress you can plan daily exercise, getting together with a friend weekly… journaling (maybe here, on this thread), etc. As far as his expected distress, plan if and how you will respond to future emails/ texts, phone calls and such. Plan on what you will write to him. That way you will be less likely to respond impulsively to his efforts (if there will be), to re-connect. Plan how you will react to lack of efforts on his part. Plan for the possibility that he will get a new girlfriend soon after (however you think it is unlikely).

anita