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How to know what he wants… FWB or more?

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • #71305
    AliceRose
    Participant

    No one can plot the course for you, but i will try to offer some perspective from a distance. It seems to be that he is a good guy and does care for you. Likes being with you. Is good to you otherwise. He doesn’t want to hurt you, but he is not head over heels in love with you. Is he waiting for something that really knocks him over but playing it safe with you? Sometimes a relationship like this can turn into more when he either appreciates you or feels he has tried everything else out there. But do YOU want to be second best? What are you passing up in the meantime? Tick Tock, your life is passing by. If you are like me, you commit emotionally and find it hard to look at others. He can play the field more readily by virtue of being male. Just works that way.

    Cautionary tale: I had a friend who lived with a guy for several years. She was all in. He would not commit to marriage. Eventually they had a direct conversation. She asked him if he wanted to get married. His response: “Yes, but not to you.” Boom. I suggest asking the hard questions before you spend your precious years being there for someone who isn’t really there for you in return. None of us can get the time back that we spend in dead-end relationships. (or bad marriages).

    Ultimately, I think that if you want more, you have to push yourself to go out and get it elsewhere! It’s your life to live. Don’t waste it waiting.

    #71475
    Anne
    Participant

    A question with no judgement – when you say he has family commitments, do you mean that you are having an affair?

    #71484
    Anyone
    Participant

    Thank you aliceinwonderland. It’s exactly what you mentioned. He wants to play safe. Just to update. I decided to severe contact with him and explained him that friends with benefit is out of my understanding. He wants to be friends, but the fire would ignite again and then I would be emotionally involved, which is highly draining, so I decided to put a stop to it.

    Anne,
    Yes it was an affair for me. Family commitment in India means he would marry a girl of his parents’ choice, of their caste, which they approve of. And to be stay with parents to take care of them until they’re alive.

    #71669
    Anyone
    Participant

    And while I’m trying my best to let it go….I realize I was already into him…so hard to forget his kisses, hugs, the time spent together…..don’t believe it was without emotions… good that he is giving me the space I needed. No contacts. Sure it would have hurt much more had I continued a little further than this. The first meeting was so good and seemed to be just the right person, then the shock came when he said all about friends with benefits…. Mind still boggles when I get reminded of that night….

    So much yet so little…

    I wish I get someone who wants to spend life, sincere, loyal, honest, loving, caring……

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