Hello nathalieace

Maybe this will inspire you somehow. Maybe not.
Essentially – what I think is going on with friendships, relations – people seek for partners because they feel the very same thing you have just described here – and their friendships and such are an attempt of making that feeling go away. Let hop a step ahead and reveal the big secret – that feeling doesn’t go away when you have friends.

People who are constantly surrounded by other people, friends, partners – they still feel that too – even though they might not be thinking about it as often as they keep their feelings and thoughts busy. So, sure, it leaves us the impression that they have friends that make them happy. You can imagine this idyllic night out with jokes, laughing, games and all that – but these are just some fun moments, not happiness itself. The night is over, they fall asleep and where they have no power to distract themselves from this inner feeling, they feel it – they are alone, again.

Some of them can’t even really enjoy the night out as they keep themselves distracted with negative thinking, here’s a few examples: “what if this is the last time I see this person,” “these people probably don’t really like me,” “what did this person mean when he made that joke about me,” “I am still worried about that fight last weekend…” “did i choose the right clothes to wear,” “i’m gonna gossip xyz in order to try to connect with these people – that story is too good,” “if i got drunk like a blind bat, no one would help me home,” “fck it i get drunk anyway, i’ll put that friend to a test.”

I think, we sometimes wish we had friends we don’t have and then we put some very unrealistic expectations on them… Problem is we are not failing with having friends – but we are failing with getting in touch with ourselves.

* * *

Now, why you dislike feeling ALONE, what I think is happening here, is due to you thinking that this feeling is like pain – and what does pain essentially do? Pain is a signal of something being wrong. A stinging feeling from your toe – you hit it or step on something sharp – your head aches – you are dehydrated or are suffering with other chemical imbalances etc. Your hearing is going worse – earphones too loud maybe (to be honest, there could be other reasons. Stop wondering and go see a doctor about that one :3)

Now, being alone is not pain. Yet there is this other feeling – loneliness. And what you described sounds a lot like it.
And why do we perceive loneliness as pain? Because we think it is a signal – a pain that signals that we are doing something wrong. A pain that signals that we are insufficient.

While each and one of us can learn a ton of lessons to become great social creatures (there’s books, start with Dale Carnegie – he has written some amazing stuff – and since the books are from like 30s, they are cheap too (you could also go to library I guess)) – that FEELING of being insufficient is something we make up in our heads because we sort of have learned to be this way.
This feeling can’t be taken care of by seeking validation in finding friends and partners. This feeling is an insecurity and the only way to get rid of it is to LEARN what it is and where it comes from. It takes a lot of effort to go down that road, face yourself and such. But once you have figured it out, you’ll get peace from it.

So – the first idea you might want to savor a bit – you being alone is NOT a signal. It is not a measure of your worth. It’s just the way the universe has it for you, for now – out of all the odds, you are on your own. And you are owning it 😉

The feeling, though. You can get better! You can try to “learn” yourself out from feeling this way – and that is something each of us has to come to do on our own – having friends and partners will not help in many ways. But if the resources from the internet aren’t enough, you could try seeking out a therapist.

Here is something what you would learn with a therapist:
http://www.cognitivetherapyguide.org/negative-thinking-patterns.htm

Another thing that helped me a lot was learning about Buddhist philosophies and mindful meditation. Mindfulness helps you fight with stress and other unpleasant feelings. It is one of the greatest tools I have come by. And the guy in the video is the most adorable human being I have layed my eyes on.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUBNLC3JfMw