My past relationship ended almost a year ago and I am still healing. I recently graduated college and have a number of amazing opportunities or adventures ahead, for which I feel grateful and quite excited about. Despite my accomplishments and “fresh start” I am often depressed and have thoughts of my past relationship. I decided to have no contact with my ex after numerous failed attempts at becoming friends or reconcilliation (which I find is impossible). When we would speak to one another the conversation would lead to disagreements which usually ended with hurtful things being said (He said he didn’t love me, actually suggessted I date other people). He said because I referenced his past actions (which I am sure made him uncomfortable though this wasn’t done to harm him or feed my ego) I was a negative person and said God “told him” that I wasn’t someone he should have anything to do with. I was extremly confused and deeply hurt by these comments. We both were defensive and eventually the conversations were unproductive. He was clearly fed up and denied my calls shortly after. I left a voicemail wishing him well which took a lot of nerve and was quite useless I suppose. Things ended this way and he did not respond to the heartfelt message I left him.

Weeks passed and a few days ago, on grad night I ran into him at a bar in a near by city. I came alone. He was with another woman. I rarely go out at night and I chose what I thought was the most secluded place in the city. Well, I guess I was wrong! While sitting at the bar talking with a nice couple I had just met, I instantly recognized him from behind and quickly turned away as he and his date made a quick exit. The couple noticed my discomfort and invited me tag along as they had plans to visit a dance club in the area, I agreed and forced myself to dance and smile for about an hour before heading home.

The next afternoon he texted and said he had just heard my voicemail and he wanted me to heal before we could try to be friends again. He said he hoped I did well on my finals and ended the text with a smiley face.

Immediately I analyzed his actions. Was this simply a nice gesture? Did he feel sorry for me? Did he feel like a jerk for expressing his desire to self improve before dating a weeks earlier and felt guilty for being seen acting in a contradictory manner. I feel like he is very manipulative. He’s said that he doesn’t owe me anything and I agree with him. But why the text? I don’t understand.

After being rejected and struggling to conquer depression due to this ordeal I am very confused, frustrated and as silly as it may sound, I am unsure of the steps to take next. Is it a no brainer?

Should I try to find meaning in all of this or mentally block past events in order to recover? After all, what good could come of this?