Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→how to handle the fact that my enemies are alive?
- This topic has 7 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 10 months ago by BohemianZen.
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February 11, 2015 at 5:30 am #72615TheOneParticipant
Hello everyone! Namaste!
So the thing is..I will try to keep it short. My family had a tough time when my father passed away some 15 years ago. Not just because he left us when I was just under three and my sister just eight months..but also because his family not caring about my mother created lots of troubles for us..from getting hold of all our belongings, life insurance, and also mentally harassing saying my mom was the reason of this unlucky event( he died in a crash..my mom was not even remotely related to it).my maternal granny suffered from stress thereafter which deteriorated her health..and she ultimately left for the heavenly abode last year..yes I consider my father’s family responsible for this..even now they come to my place shamelessly..only to try and insult me( they say I can’t be my father’s son..), and my mom. I don’t know what purpose they have when they visit us even after 15 years( I think pressure from community?)I have seen my mother cry..and whoever is the reason for that..I hate him!!
Whenever I wake up in the morning..I am full of anger..why are those people still alive? Why are they still healthy?they are just losers basically..but still god never punished them..how do I handle this feeling? Cos it sure spoils my day..I don’t want it to spoil my life..plz helpFebruary 11, 2015 at 7:41 am #72622WillParticipantSo you’re 18, yes? Good. Your mind is still young and flexible and you can get out of this way of thinking before it spoils your life.
So here’s the deal.
They are not your enemies. They are your family.
Whatever they think and feel and say, I can assure you they don’t wake up in the morning rubbing their hands and going “Heh heh, I wonder what we can do today to make Parth miserable! Shall we make his mother cry? Shall we drive his grandmother to an early grave? Oh ho ho! What fun we are having!”
They are your fellow human beings, man. They are just as flawed and unsure and ridiculous and angry and unable to deal with the difficulties of life as anyone else (including you). Yes, they may be asshats. Asshats are generally asshats because they’re riddles with bitterness and pettiness and horrible feelings of inadequacy, or greed, or rage at the world, or something. When you look at the people who cause you pain and you hate them and call them your enemies and ask god to punish them you only bring more misery into the world. Your misery.
To be angry at someone is like picking up a burning coal with your bare hands to throw it at them. You may hit your target and you may not, but either way you’re going to end up with severe burns on your hands. That’s what the Buddha said, and he said some other good stuff about anger and enemies, too. Have a look for that.If you’re not Buddhist and you want to stick with your own religion, I’m sure your religion will have teachings about forgiveness, and grace, and brotherhood among mankind, too. Read up on this stuff before it is too late, and you’re grown bitter for life.
Please not I’m not saying that the way they behave is OK. They don’t seem like nice people to be around, and you don’t have to be around them. When they come and visit, you can say “good to see you, I was just on my way out to have a nice long walk in the countryside”. But look after your heart. Don’t let hate poison it.
February 11, 2015 at 9:18 am #72630TheOneParticipantHey will!
Thanks for a quick and a great reply. Yup I am eighteen. Thanks a lot for your advice. I will definitely try following it, though to be honest o think it will take some time for me to become habitual to it. Yes man, I get it..I don’t want my misery to enter this works..as if there’s not enough already.! :p its just that maybe some days I just have that urge to take revenge..maybe that’s what’s making me bitter.
BTW..by ur tone..u sound like a young chap to me! And of course a very wise oneThanks again!
Cheers to lifeFellow traveler,
ParthFebruary 11, 2015 at 9:51 pm #72662BohemianZenParticipantHey Parth,
the way you are feeling is is normal for the situation you and your mom and sister are suffering, is great from you that you acknowledge how feel and that you want to get better. Your relatives sound a lot like my narcissist siblings, father and relatives on my dad’s side.
They still if they have the chance pick on me and my mum and with time if given any chance they get worst, so is important that you have realised that they are who they are, and so you can start keeping your distance they don’t change and hopefully also your mum starts to keeping her distance for her and your little sister’s sake.Therapy and have someone to talk to it is quiet beneficial,you could be ptsd, that kind of abuse (emotional abuse) is very hard to fight at first mostly because you don’t have physical scars to prove it, but the damage can be as bad or even worst than physical abuse.
The guy of the link above has help me a lot to understand what was happening to me and to take safety measures. I hope you can find it helpful too.
And I wish you all the best for you and your family (I mean your mum and your little sister)
February 12, 2015 at 6:23 am #72678TheOneParticipantDear BohemianZen,
Thank you for your reply! Thank you fro your wishes for me and my family! :*
Great of you to share your experience(about your dad’s family). I am really sorry about that. I understand you completely. It bcomes very hard for me to sometimes control my emotions when those thoughts of those losers troubling my family come to my mind.
Thanks for the video! I still have to watch it…a bit busy nowadays..but i promise i will watch it! I will try and get a good amount of freetime and watch it with a fresh mind.I really dont know how to thank you both ! full of gratitude!
Yours,
ParthPS: @ BohemianZen: will definitely get back to you regarding the video! Thanks a ton!!!!
February 12, 2015 at 7:36 pm #72694BohemianZenParticipantDear Parth,
Great to hear let me know what do your opinion about the video.
Best wishes!
February 22, 2015 at 8:48 am #73139TheOneParticipantDear BohemianZen,
Firstly , very sorry for getting back to you so late!
Thanks a lot for the video.! The guy in it seems to have researched a lot on this topic to gain an indepth understanding of such people. Okay maybe my so-called paternal grandfather ( i would prefer calling him loser…still) has some problem with himself..fine but he is a failure as a family member. But after hearing this guy, now i know that I have to maybe try and change my perspective..maybe inside he is suffering..not sure about that..cant really imagine him suffering..oh! he has such an irritating grin..
anyways, i am not gonna let that intimidate me. Ihave a life to live…with my mom and my sister..and all my loved ones..who love me and whom i love.. Thanks for making me realize that!Yours truly,
ParthFebruary 25, 2015 at 7:20 pm #73283BohemianZenParticipantHi Parth,
I’m glad you had time to watch the video and that it helped you, sound like you are starting your healing journey and that’s great.
Definitely is better not to react and ignore those abusers (emotional vampires) sometimes is easier than others but is worth it for your own good, hopefully your mum and sister will follow you in their journeys too.reach out with your story to those you trust and support you, find counselling if need to, is good to have tools internal to protect yourself from that kind of people.
again I wish you all the best!
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