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How to handle disappointment in bf an his resentment towards me

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  • #199399
    Hara
    Participant

    I certainly wouldn’t want to be with someone who moved to spend more time with you and then does nothing but complain about his woes to you. He must not think much of you to use you as a sponge.

    I was in a long distance relationship. When we started living together for real, everything went down the drain. You never truly know who a person is until you’ve lived with them. You’re better off without him!

    #199483
    Hey Its Jess
    Participant

    Hello Michelle!

    Listen, he is clearly going through a tough time right now so however he treats you, its best to not take it personally. You need to emotionally distance yourself from him for the sake of inner peace. Give him some time to sort out his things. You can focus on other things to keep yourself busy.

    When he has calmed down, you guys need to sit down and talk about how you really felt. And come from a place of love not resentment.

    hopefully it works out for you šŸ™‚

    #199513
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Michelle:

    In early March of last year, you sharedĀ  that this man hasĀ  “anger issues”.

    You wrote: “He has been extremely stressed at work… He continuously called meĀ  an asshole… HeĀ  didn’t stop, I haveĀ  turned offĀ  my phone becauseĀ  I can’t listen to him anymore. HeĀ  broughtĀ  up the sameĀ  pointsĀ  heĀ  made SaturdayĀ  about me not caringĀ  about theĀ  relationship because I haven’tĀ  applied in North Carolina…he has again thrown the same comments in my face about notĀ  doing anything for the relationship… He has accusedĀ  meĀ  of beingĀ  unfaithful when IĀ  haven’t. All I so is study and work… I am hurt that heĀ  gave into his anger already. This makesĀ  me scared… I am tiredĀ  of beingĀ  yelled at and crying because the person I love treats me like this.”

    What you shared then andĀ  yesterday leadsĀ  meĀ  to this understanding: what troublesĀ  your boyfriend are thingsĀ  from way before you came into his life.

    It was not the job he hadĀ  before that was responsible for hisĀ  anger issues then. It isĀ  not his currentĀ  job thatĀ  is responsible for his angerĀ  issues now. It is not the distance from his family, friends and you that was responsible a year ago for his anger issues then. It is not you who is responsible forĀ  his angerĀ  now.

    It is in his early relationships in his youngĀ  life where his anger originated. His anger originated in his parents/ care takers not loving him enough, not doing enough for him, not attendingĀ  to him when heĀ  wasĀ  distressed, being alone with his distress.

    In his adult life he inaccurately projects his angerĀ  into you, blaming you for not loving him enough, for not doing enough for himĀ  (for the relationship), etc.

    AndĀ  as a result youĀ  feel guilty.

    Your thoughts…?

    anita

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