Hi Anita,

I told him I wish I could find someone to take care of me & me not take care of them…I was tired of having to be the responsible one and make all of the decisions.

I was always the one to be responsible.  But as soon as he moved out he was able to get a charge card, he purchased a new camper etc.  When we were together he never made any effort to get his priorities in order.  If I mentioned we needed to start saving so we could get the property graded he would say don’t worry about it.   He said he didn’t want any charge cards, but he got one as soon as he moved out…

I do understand none of this really matters because he is gone & it makes no difference why he moved out.  I know in my gut he left because he met someone else & he wanted to leave.  He was just waiting for the right opportunity to leave.

Maybe he just wasn’t responsible when we were together because he knew I would be.  I hope and pray this ends soon, I can’t stay on this roller coaster much longer…I have this terrible feeling of fear~

Bella~

Hi Anita,

I have gone out a few times to meet people at our local coffee shop…No clicks, or any interest.  I did try to remain open, all I wanted to do was to get back home…All I do is think about what my ex is doing~

I have a friend I worked with 15 yrs. ago and we have been talking & mostly texting one another…But it usually ends up with him touching on the subject of sex…He wants to meet Sunday for lunch and I told him I would.  We communicate well on the phone, but I don’t have a clue as to how an actual lunch date would be.

I also will open up about how I am torturing myself.  My ex’es phone bill still sends me emails letting me know when payment is due…I looked it up online because I use to take care of all the bills, he just pays it by phone, so he is not aware the bill comes here & I can look at numbers called.  Well, I got more than I bargained for, he has made calls to a an event planner for Marriage/Cruise Line ( I am assuming Honey Moon), 2 Brokerage Firms and Real Estate agent & U haul Truck…Marriage, Honey Moon and New Home!!

I am getting obsessed with this & don’t know why I continue to look at these numbers/ finding out who they are & then imagining the worst.  It’s not like I can do anything about it & we haven’t spoke in weeks & it has been months since we have seen one another.  I have no doubt as to what the end result is & guess I still wish we could have spoken before he got too involved with this other women.  When we first split, I really thought he would come back & until I saw all of the places he has been communicating with I now know what he is doing.  It does hurt so bad & I wish I could stop thinking about him & what he is doing.

I always felt in spite of everything that we would always care about one another, but from all he is doing I feel like an old hat that he had no more use and being tossed away…

I can’t believe he will be living the life with her that we had planned & never did…It has only been 4 months since he moved & how he can be planning a life with someone else makes me feel so disposable…

Part of me says to talk to him, but I know him well enough if had had the smallest feeling of wanting me he would do whatever it took to get me to talk to him…I am not that pushy & don’t want to degrade myself with groveling.  Then another part says call him.  I know by the way he has been for the past few months I have probably not crossed his mind at all, because he wouldn’t hesitate to call if he wanted to talk.

I feel so disposable…Like I never mattered to him & how can he move on so quickly!

Bella~

Hi Anita,

I agree, I now know it was lies & don’t understand how he is entertaining the though of a home purchase, lavish Honey Moon and all that he is doing.  Some I am sure would say it could be coincidence , but I know better.  I am glad I found these things out before I made a fool of myself talking to him.  I have so many different emotions about all of this…I have a clear picture that he stayed with me thinking the relationship would be more to his satisfaction & he is the type person who will stay put until they have another safe haven to go to.

I am more angry of all of his lies to get me to feel sorry for him & that way he knew he had a place to come crawling back to if things didn’t work out with his new girl.  That is why I feel he is rushing new home & marriage with someone new.  He wants to get locked in and feel safe.  It also makes me sick to my stomach.  I still can’t believe he never wanted to talk once he left.  I have though about those last few days and it wasn’t any different than any other time we had our differences.  I didn’t stop him (wandering now if I should have) to talk, I thought he would be gone for a few weeks & we would be fine…I  have mixed feelings as if I should talk to him~Part of me says don’t be a fool & the other thinks to try…Deep down inside I do know he wouldn’t care how I felt and on the other I feel I may regret not trying to talk…I know it is quite redundant…I know it’s like when you want someone to do something to show you they care without asking them to do so…This new info is really causing me additional pain that I should continue to walk away from…I guess because I am just finding out of all these little details, it has been going on in his head for months.  I guess I should be glad I found out sooner, than later…

I will never understand after 8 yrs. how he could marry and purchase a home when just 6 months ago I was the one he wanted to marry~

Bella~

Hi Anita,

I need confirmation it would be better with no contact…I don’t want to wake up 2 years from now alone and wander if I should have in some way cracked the door open to see if he would in some way make contact with me.

Deep down inside it would take more than a crack, I know if he wanted me in any way shape, or form he wouldn’t hesitate to contact me no matter what the consequences…

I don’t know why,  but I felt like what is happening was going to happen weeks before I found out…

Bella~

Hi Anita,

I would hope if he knew deep in his Heart how I felt he would at least talk to me, But it is only wishful thinking on my part.

I know if he had an ounce of Love for me he wouldn’t even be living with her.

I am just so Sad & Heart Broken.  and feel cheated & deceived.

I will not make a fool of myself, maybe as the weeks pass by I will get over this.  This is the worst pain I have ever felt over a break-up~

Bella~

So true Anita,

I will continue to focus  & work on my mind set to this terrible situation…I have been leaving the door open & me frozen in time, waiting for him to call or to get in touch with me & I know it is not going to happen…

Thank you~

Bella~

Hi Anita,

This is probably one of the longest posts, but it helps me tremendously & I will continue as long as you will respond~:)

I thought a lot last night and I believe my biggest fear is being alone…If I were to meet my ex today as a stranger, or date and knew his capabilities in a new relationship, I would run.  So I will keep telling myself it is not so much him that I want back, it was the security I had with someone that I THOUGHT CARED and LOVED me, but it was not the type of love I want in a new relationship.

I will just keep living my life as it is comfortable for me & I am sure I will run across a nice caring person that is meant for me & if not, so be it~I will be alone, but at least I will only be alone by myself, instead of being lonely with someone as I was with my ex.  I know if he had been what I needed in my life I wouldn’t have so many questions now.

Have a nice day Anita & I will try to do the same~

Bella~