Thank you everyone for the kind words.

Anger does me, personally, no good. It’s healthy and natural in small doses, but if I dwell in anger, I get easily caught in a cycle of negativity. This is my 3rd relationship to end very similarly. I have learned quite a bit, and I do have a lot of feelings of anger, bitterness, and injustice, a lot of ‘How DARE he do this to me!’, I’m just choosing to express that part differently, and choosing to focus on the good parts, which a lot of people like Erik, may not appreciate, and that’s ok. The first, when the one I loved left me, I had a nervous breakdown. The second time, I had moved on too quickly from the first, didn’t take the time for me I needed and it shocked me so bad I didn’t eat (couldn’t eat) anything for a month when he left. Then, I took almost 2 full years, I managed things myself, I learned, I grew, and did what I wanted to do, became an individual that didn’t NEED someone, it switched where I wanted someone to share MY life with. There are lots of things I done ‘right’, but there are lots of things I could have done differently as well, life is a continual lesson, full of ups and downs.

Then without looking the last partner came into my life. I took my time, didn’t rush. Didn’t move in until we were together over a year, all things that I did completely different from before, with a similar result. Life is full of challenges, I’m not perfect, nor are the people that hurt me. Fear and selfishness cause a lot of bad decisions, and I just have enough faith that this is how it was meant to be. I learned lots of lessons from this relationship, I did a lot of good to help the kids heal and learn to hope and love again, and now, in a way it’s setting me free to heal again. Stress of dealing with someone else children and abusive ex wife and that drama is exhausting, so as much as I hurt, and will miss the kids I loved so much, and him even, I will learn, I will grow, and I will be happy.

I’m going to sit and have one last conversation with him, hear things from his mouth, in his own words,because I’m not sure why his mother would tell me what she did. She’s experiencing her own tramatic journey so it’s hard to say. Maybe she’s assuming, who really knows. He stated he wants to continue to be my best friend, and I told him that I will reserve that decision for later. That people in my life are ones who speak truth, and have courage, and that if he has neither of those, then no friendship can happen, after any healing is done. He told me before that he doesn’t deserve me, and he may be right, I refuse to be anyone’s doormat.

Someday, someday I can hope that the ‘Prince Charming’ that’s suited to me, will find me when I least expect it. And we’ll have challenges, and will overcome them together as partners. But for now, I’ll treat myself as well as I can, and enjoy life to the best of my abilities. Much love to you all.